intimacy

Will our relationship last if the sex is bad?

Will our relationship last if the sex is bad?

Sex isn’t everything in a relationship but when it is bad or crap…well, it starts to become pretty darn important. Now, it may not be a reflection of you two as a couple - more a reflection of bad habits. Deep breath before you read this one - it’s a truth talk extravaganza. I’m getting real with you about some of the reasons why your relationship might not outlast the bad sex that’s happening.

Intimacy after pregnancy loss, stillbirth and miscarriage

Intimacy after pregnancy loss, stillbirth and miscarriage

Thousands of women go through pregnancy loss every year - how does intimacy and our relationship come out the other side of that? I’m so fortunate to call Lauren a friend after we met when we were selected to give our TED-like talks at the Women’s Health + Fitness Summit last year. We decided to talk more now that the dust has settled on our big talks by doing a Facebook Live special talking Intimacy after pregnancy loss. Featuring Lauren Hewes of Tiny Ladder.

3 ways to be better at giving in sex

3 ways to be better at giving in sex

The people who make the best givers are those who know how to receive. Yup, I stand by that! Last weeks blog was ALL about receiving and getting to a much better place with that. Now, I want women to create better boundaries and containers around their giving so that it comes from a much healthier, less martyr-mode driven place. This one is important.

3 ways to be better at receiving in sex

3 ways to be better at receiving in sex

Women, women, women. We can’t just be ALL give. It’s a boring narrative and we are missing out on some really deep and liberating experiences when we don’t allow ourselves to receive. Let’s flip the script starting now - here are 3 ways you can warm up to receiving in life + sex when you are so hot for giving.

Permission to be a mum and sexual

Permission to be a mum and sexual

Motherhood. It might not sound sexy but I believe it can be. Most relationships just need a few tweaks and some communication lines to open up to keep accessing intimacy through this often challenging and testing time. We get real in this one so plug in your earphones and nod along.

Why a sexologist would tell you NOT to have sex

Why a sexologist would tell you NOT to have sex

You want to want to have sex and to improve your sex life - more frequency and more quality. But as you sit down in front of a qualified sexologist, she says: you need to stop having sex.

Why? This isn’t a riddle but a real question…in this blog post, I give you the answer and tell you why it allows something much better to grow on the other side (hint: that better thing is a good sex life)

Permission to not orgasm : Why we need to take the pressure off orgasm

Permission to not orgasm : Why we need to take the pressure off orgasm

Sex = orgasm, right?

Wrong! Sex = connection, intimacy, pleasure, joy, arousal, tranquility and MORE. Orgasm is one part of sex but it’s not the whole thing. Are you ready? You are about to receive the medicine your libido needs and it is: permission to not orgasm.

Permission to open : Why do I shutdown in sex?

Permission to open : Why do I shutdown in sex?

You’ve shutdown in and about sex more times than you can remember. There may have been a pivotal moment you’ll never forget or maybe it was this gradual disconnection that happened over time. Each factor compounding the last. Whatever the origin, I want to give you permission to open and move out of sexual shutdown…

Help! I want to get our old sex life back!

Help! I want to get our old sex life back!

Wanting it BACK and getting it BACK can give you a little bit of mojo to re-prioritise your sex life when it’s been quiet. Positive sexual memories are so important when we’re lost at sea but you aren’t actually going that way… The following is my two-prong approach to instilling hope and life into your next sexual chapter.

8 ways to feel your libido as a mum

8 ways to feel your libido as a mum

Nits, hospital visits, daycare runs, playdates, screaming...it can all feel very...unsexy.

If you are a mama looking for a quick checklist to getting moving back with your libido again then here are my 8 hottest tips. Remember, you can be both a mama and sexual (this is your new mantra). 

 

How to prioritise your sex life when you are busy

How to prioritise your sex life when you are busy

Busy, flustered, run down and overwhelmed are the name of the modern-day game. But all of these states spell something seriously toxic for your beautiful libido.

This blog needs to come with a warning for it’s exceptionally high level of truth talk where I kindly inform you that you aren’t actually busy (but you are choosing to be) and how you can create space for intimacy all by unearthing a few old time blocks.

How to feel sexually confident with your partner (when you’re feeling anxious)

How to feel sexually confident with your partner (when you’re feeling anxious)

There is a gap that exists between anxiety and confidence. A leap even.

It isn’t too hard to close this gap, you’ve just got to believe that anxiety isn’t your permanent state and that everything you need to become the sexual woman is inside of you. Seriously. Anxiety wants to tell you that this is how it is only, it doesn’t always tell the truth. Let’s reduce your anxiety so that you can come into confidence with the following 5 tips.

Intimacy after deployment: 7 practical tips for couples feeling awkward after a long deployment or separation

Intimacy after deployment: 7 practical tips for couples feeling awkward after a long deployment or separation

Hands up who has done a long-distance relationship?

I have and it was…testing. I didn’t know then what I know now but if I did, maybe those earlier years would have been a little more connecting. The following is my best-of when it comes to advice for getting back into intimacy for those in a relationship with a partner who does fly-in-fly-out or goes on deployment. I know it isn’t easy but hopefully some of this settles the bumps and awkwardness that happens when you reunite after a big period of enforced separation.

If he’s the love of my life, then why am I not sexually interested in my husband?

If he’s the love of my life, then why am I not sexually interested in my husband?

Long-term relationships are riddled with sexual disinterest. But why?

Shouldn’t things get better as our love grows deeper? One of the biggest conundrums my clients have is getting their heads and bodies around the fact that you can feel safe and in love but not want to have sex. If this is you, read on to get some insights into what could be going on and what you can shift to get the interest flowing again.

What do you do if you are not sexually satisfied? (rather than pretend you don’t care)

What do you do if you are not sexually satisfied? (rather than pretend you don’t care)

Ahhh satisfaction - that sweet end point where we hunger no more.

But how do we know when we feel it? How do we know when we have arrived? 

Only you can answer that one so if you are feeling like frustration is ruling your bedroom and satisfaction is nowhere to be seen, read this one to make sure you aren't accidentally overlooking your sexual satisfaction (it could well be right in front of you!)

Low sex drive in women: why you have lost interest in sex (and what to do about it)

Low sex drive in women: why you have lost interest in sex (and what to do about it)

The only way you can even think to describe your sex drive is that it is low or non-existent. The only way you can even begin to describe your interest in sex is that there isn't any. But you love your partner (if you have one) and you really want to say goodbye to these persistent blocks that prevent you from feeling intimate and into IT. Deep breath, this is a deep journey into your sex drive and interest in sex. Read it all and feel yourself already walking away from inhibition and being checked-out of your own personal life.

COUPLES: When to break the rules of sex

COUPLES: When to break the rules of sex

There isn't a sex rulebook out there telling you what to like and feel and do but if you’re feeling like you don’t really get sex and what is expected – there may be some silent rules floating around that you are following blindly (but you don't have to). The rules are there are no rules when it comes to sex between two adults saying yes so try some of these on for a moment to see if these are some rules you need to break (because sweet freedom is lying on the other side).

COMMUNICATION: Getting comfortable with giving feedback in sex

COMMUNICATION: Getting comfortable with giving feedback in sex

I’ve been with my husband a loooooong time. It’ll be our 10-year wedding anniversary this year. But time alone hasn’t absolved me from the discomfort of giving feedback in sex. It’s a learned behaviour that has been slowly integrated over time. My confidence to communicate really amplified when I started learning specific talk and consent practices through a certification process I learnt in 2014 (which I share with my 1:1 clients). One night I decided to hand over the mic to my husband Ed to get his perspective on what it is like to get feedback from me in sex. You might find (like me) that your partner doesn’t feel as much rejection as you think or assume...

Busting myths about sex therapy

Busting myths about sex therapy

Today I wanted to talk to you about coming and seeing a sex therapist or a sexologist because I think there a few misconceptions lurking around about what it's actually like. I want you to know straight-up that you don't have to have a history of trauma or abuse, you don't have to come as a couple and what we really talk about in sessions.