>>>This is a blog adaptation of my Instagram Live: Permission to feel Pleasure. <<<
Are you allowed to feel good right now?
Are you allowed to experience joy in these times?
Are you allowed to feel pleasure EVEN THOUGH there are atrocities in the world?
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If you're reading this then chances are you're looking for permission to feel better than you do right now and there's a specific reason why I have elected to talk about pleasure in such a challenging time for humanity - challenging on every level from the personal level to the international level.
No doubt at the time of writing this, we are in hard times and I often question:
Is it necessary to talk about pleasure?
Is what makes us feel good necessary?
Is our aliveness necessary?
It always comes back to one word, one answer: Yes.
Your pleasure. Your aliveness and your capacity to feel are always important. It's always of the utmost priority.
Even when the circumstances out there feel in complete opposition to that. There is no way that we can continue to keep evolving and keep doing what we do best as humans without you being in what you would consider a turned on state for yourself.
We can't do it without you being your most turned on self.
For years, I've helped women who feel guilty about pleasure, release and about climaxing…women that feel incredibly guilty about deep, deep transformative pleasure. And I want you to know that there is always a place for your deep transformative pleasure in this thing that we call life.
When you are not in your pleasure or accessing your pleasure, even when the circumstances out there are dire and bleak, no one gains anything from you being in contraction or denial. And a lot of the work that I'm here to do is about showing women not how we can ‘do it all’ but how we can have the power to elect to be it all or be the all that we want in varying capacities - over the course of a day, a week, a month, a year and a lifetime.
The key word here is choice.
The choice to still show up for the hard times - to still mourn and grieve when it's necessary and where we're compelled to do so.
And the choice and the capacity to still access our pleasure and our aliveness.
Enter Libido Operating System
When you have an Operating System that's been attuned and refined to what I call Libido - your life force energy and the living breathing entity that runs so much more than what happens in the bedroom, I want you to know it's governing your sense of aliveness. It’s governing how you show up in your community, it's governing how you sharpen your relationships, your work - all of it.
Deciding to live in this frequency of Libido is so vital because if you're not in it, then none of us benefit. If you're out of your power and if you're out of your pleasure, there's no there's no gain for the world. There's no gain within your household or your community. There's no gain within your work and your clients. There's no gain within your organisation. There's no gain on national level or an international level either.
Having an operating system that's nimble, that's adaptable, that's flexible is so vital to this thing that we call life because what it shows you is that you have the power of choice with accessing the feelings that you need to feel in order to fully express and make your mark on the world.
That is what White Hot Pleasure gives you.
It doesn't mean that you have to go into denial of everything that could feel good and pleasurable because there are atrocities happening in the world right now.
What it does mean is that you can feel sad for that. You can take action around those atrocities to do whatever you can - whatever is in within your power, with your time, your energy and your bank balance.
And this is the really illuminating part that women have been denied from knowing - you are so incredibly dynamic that you can do all of that and still access what feels deeply pleasurable to you.
I'm not talking about buying some object of desire to give you a quick dopamine fix. I'm talking about the pleasure that's in your body that is primed for connection, love and warmth and oxytocin spilling out.
I'm talking about deep, deep, sensual, loving pleasure.
This is the incredible truth that's been denied to so many women.
Instead we’ve been told to be like a man and compartmentalise and push that other stuff away, and to go into martyr mode, be all ON and then to do the same to impress people without showing that you like yourself or what feels good too much or you can't show that you enjoyed that experience too much.
There's been this ultimate denial and suppression of women's deep unbridled pleasure. And the reason is because it's inherently feared. Feared so much that there are pharmaceutical companies riding off the back of women's pleasure and women's libido that is so high for life that we turn all of that emotion in on ourselves.
As a result, we experience anxiety and depression and debilitating levels of stress and all of the chronic conditions that come from that suppression.
Our pleasure, our ability to feel and access these multi orgasmic states is so feared that we have been sold a lie to repress all of that pleasure. And instead, turn it inward and feel guilty about it to overcompensate for that or to go into complete service and helping mode rather than just experience it uncensored for ourselves.
And I want you to know that your pleasure has a place. There's always a place and a space for it at appropriate times and in the context of what's going on in the world and what's going on in your community. There's always a space and a place that's appropriate for it because it is about you releasing.
What happens when women don't release?
We suppress. We swallow down. We internally combust.
Who benefits when women internally combust her benefits when women burn themselves to a crisp?
No one benefits. No one who loves you or cares for you or is invested in you benefits from all of that pleasure being denied and suppressed and swallowed down. There is no benefit. There is no award. There is no ultimate prize for the woman who is the martyr.
I want to give you the permission you might not have cognitively recognise yet that you were looking for.
Permission to experience joy, to laugh, to release, to experience stimulation in and out of the bedroom - access all areas. Even when or especially when the conditions don't feel conducive to it.
This is what humans have always done. We always turn to pleasure when times get hard.
The question is: what kind of pleasure are you going to turn towards?
Are you going to turn towards a surface dopamine pleasure?
Or are you going to turn towards deep, unbridled, wavering ecstatic pleasure?
Because the latter is available to you and that energy is what the world needs.
That energy is incredibly healing and so incredibly comforting. And your pleasure in and out of the bedroom allows you to flush stress out of your body like nothing else.
There is no alcoholic drink. There is no drug that can flush stress out of your body and through your system like a release can.
It is unparalleled.
So if you are feeling guilty about your privilege about your life and about feeling pleasure…about buying something beautiful for yourself, when so many atrocities are happening in the world…
The choice that you're faced with during these times is:
Am I going to reach Quick Fix Pleasure or am I going to allow myself to experience deep, deep pleasure - the one that's incredibly healing, incredibly cathartic, transformative and will emit the power to other people?
And if you keep thinking that you're not worthy, or the deep pleasure is too much or it's too incongruent with what's going on out there in the world the way I'd encourage you to look at that gap.
What I encourage you to do is to really ask yourself when you’re doom and dopamine scrolling is:
Is my dopamine scrolling really helping the world right now?
Am I actually in my pleasure right now?
Am I actually getting a release from this right now?
Am I actually contributing to the world right now through the highest frequency that I can emit?
The answer is probably no.
It then comes down to digging that little bit deeper and making a little bit more conscious effort to experience deeper pleasure.
When you are in your pleasure, and you experience and you fully go there, the way that you walk out into the world and into a room is totally different. And by God do we all need that medicine right now - a re-membering.
We all need the reminder of where actual pleasure is.
Your pleasure and your power is in your body. It is already in your system.
You are hardwired for it. You have double the nerve endings on your clitoris that a penis has. Double.
You are hard wired for pleasure - our bodies are hardwired for pleasure. Our brains are hardwired to receive to experience pleasure and to set those signals off so that we keep experiencing pleasure.
You can always make space and create our place for pleasure. No matter what is going on out there in the world. Humans will always be drawn to it because ultimately we want to feel alive and that aliveness and the desire for it peaks when it's contrasted with death and when it's contrasted with our mortality.
Your pleasure matters.
You might not been able to put all your focus and attention on your pleasure at any given time but that's not the point. That's one of the ways that we try to cop out of experiencing pleasure: there's this going on and there's that going on.
It's one of the ways that we try to delay pleasure when we don't feel comfortable with it.
Pleasure is your birth right - you are hardwired for it. And there is no stress reliever, like pleasure. There is no stress reliever and there is no drug. It's already hardwired in you.
Now, we have the power of choice. And I really want to show you the beauty and richness and textures of a life and an experiencing of life where you're able to seamlessly flow between giving, receiving, taking, allowing, surrender, being active and activated. A life where you go between being in go mode and shifting to being in pause and the ability to vacillate between all of those states. Because you have that within your body and within your capacity to experience and hold pleasure (get White Hot Pleasure here via my store).
It's just that you never got taught how to do it.
What you got taught is: I need to be all on. I need to be striving. I need to be executing. I need to be delivering. I need to be totally focused using my brain.
And what happens is you get tired and you collapse and drop right down and where pleasure and libido lives is between those two opposing states – between the all up and on OR collapsed on the couch or burned out or depleted.
Every woman reading this has been there and knows those states, but where pleasure, joy and Libido lives is between those two oppositional sides and that's where you're powerful.
You can only be so powerful in the UP for so long. And in the collapse response - nothing inherently powerful happens. There's nothing powerful happens when you're collapsed. You're not even resting in or recovering in that state. You're merely dropping out of exhaustion and barely surviving.
In my work, I guide you to experience what else exists between those two opposing states. And this is living from your Power AND Pleasure (Get White Hot Pleasure On Demand Experience here).
It's so juicy and rich and deep. It's where your power actually is because you have the power of choice.
When the inevitability of stress strikes
You might say this as an off-the cuff remark but there’s no way you want a stress-free life because if you don't have stress, you've got no access to one of your channels of aliveness. It’s the one that gets your heart rate up and that can actually take you to a really beautiful place of excitement and a different kind of high. Stress is inevitable and you secretly love it.
And you have the power to leverage it into other states of being that are incredibly creative, generative, orgasmic, enjoyable, pleasurable - that is all at your fingertips.
It's just that you haven't learned what your body is made of how it's hardwired and how to switch gears.
That's a big factor that so many women haven't learned is how to switch gears in their body and how to access pleasure, even when the conditions feel stressful internally, externally and or both. I'm not talking about fear - that's a different level of different level of danger, but just ordinary, every day stress.
Knowing this is what makes you show up in a deeply profound and illuminated way out there in the world.
When you are flat lining in your energy, when you are neither here nor there, when you are not in your pleasure, when you are not in your power, when you're just coasting along because you go: I can't do any of those things because what about all these other things going on?
There's always a reason not to.
You can delay pleasure for the rest of your life but that's a life that I would consider to be full of untapped potential. A lacklustre life.
If you're okay with that then pleasure can continuously be delayed. There's always going to be a reason not to because of what is happening out there.
There's always a reason to delay pleasure.
My question to you is: what would it be like to know that you are so powerful that you can show up for the challenging times in life and you can fold in deep pleasure?
To have pockets of it amongst those challenging times in life because the challenging times and the stressful times - they're not going anywhere. They're here to stay. They're a part of all of our life experiences. There's always something whether it be health, home, family, relationships, work, career and on and on, and on and on.
There's always something that you could be stressed about.
There's always something that you could be worried about.
There's always an atrocity happening in the world.
There's always a grave injustice happening in the world.
It pains me to say it but it’s true.
And as a sexologist, I was incredibly sensitive to that when I was learning sexology and I had to coach myself to retrain my operating system to be able to hold hard times, stressful times and challenging times alongside my sex life.
You need to choose what you hold. You can't hold all the injustices of the world.
For me, it's holding a flame for childhood sexual abuse through Bravehearts.
Back then I had to learn: Yes, these horrific things happen to people and they are a major turn off for pleasure…
But what we all need to do is learn how we can show up in those hard times and how we can still be at the helm of our pleasure. We need to be the ones that guide our pleasure, and what happens in intimacy, in our sensuality, because there's always something to be completely turned off to.
There are so many turn offs in the world. There's so much disgust. There's so much horror.
We can either be completely consumed by that or we can selectively be consumed by that - where we choose to place our attention and how.
I believe that we have the capacity to support the causes of injustice and create space for pleasure as well.
And for joy, and for laughter and connection and intimacy.
Because no one benefits when you're burnt out.
No one benefits when you're in martyr mode.
No one benefits when you're disempowering everyone by saying: I'll do it and not teaching them how they can do it for themselves.
There's no benefit for the world. We need you strong, we need you healthy and we need you ON because if you're not on, then you're totally OFF and you're in collapse and no one can benefit from what you're here to give.
You're here to show up and the permission that you're here to grant us for what it is that you're the expert at for what it is that you're passionate about. Maybe you're the person that reminds me to be in pleasure with the art that you create or words that you write or creating something beautiful.
We are all here to create these concentric circles of impact through pleasure and power.
Pleasure is one of the greatest equalisers that we have in humanity.
It's truly seeing other people, which is the complete opposite of dehumanising people.
So yes, your pleasure matters.
Yes, your release matters.
Yes, what happens in the bedroom is important.
And when you come into living in libido, you have all of that available to you and you have the power of choice to put your focus on what matters to you at any given moment.
The ability to switch gears seamlessly to care about this and care about that.
To be passionate about this and passionate about that.
To know that this passion can come up here, and this passion is going to drop for the time being because the focus and attention to choice – to moving the pieces of life around and feeling the flow of that rather than banging your head up against a wall and asking yourself what's the point?
The world doesn’t just need you in your aliveness, we want you to be in your aliveness.
Lauren xo
P.S. Want more? White Hot Pleasure On Demand Experience is here for to take you there.