You are a mother, mum, mom, mama but you don’t feel sexy. You just don’t think your body is sexy now that it’s different. This one pains me - you have the potential to start seeing yourself as sexy as you are now. No more wasted energy on empty wishes and destructive thoughts. It’s time to own it mama and that is the sexiest characteristic of them all.
Thousands of women go through pregnancy loss every year - how does intimacy and our relationship come out the other side of that? I’m so fortunate to call Lauren a friend after we met when we were selected to give our TED-like talks at the Women’s Health + Fitness Summit last year. We decided to talk more now that the dust has settled on our big talks by doing a Facebook Live special talking Intimacy after pregnancy loss. Featuring Lauren Hewes of Tiny Ladder.
Women, women, women. We can’t just be ALL give. It’s a boring narrative and we are missing out on some really deep and liberating experiences when we don’t allow ourselves to receive. Let’s flip the script starting now - here are 3 ways you can warm up to receiving in life + sex when you are so hot for giving.
Oh missionary. It works but, let’s be honest.
It is kind of in the realm of been-there-done-that.
Just because you feel shy, awkward or inhibited in sex, doesn’t mean that you need to stick to the one bland flavour of sexual intercourse. Deep breath, here are 5 alternative sexual positions that will help you to feel comfortable as you open up to intimacy.
There are arbitrary numbers out there when it comes to birth and the postpartum period. You get a 6 week check from your GP, which somewhat attempts to lump EVERYTHING into the one basket. So, when you were informed that you could have sex (if you were informed), how did you feel? Did you feel ready or did this tick of approval see you mentally running away in your head?
There isn't a sex rulebook out there telling you what to like and feel and do but if you’re feeling like you don’t really get sex and what is expected – there may be some silent rules floating around that you are following blindly (but you don't have to). The rules are there are no rules when it comes to sex between two adults saying yes so try some of these on for a moment to see if these are some rules you need to break (because sweet freedom is lying on the other side).
When I dropped the notion of always having to be ON and learnt to embrace my cyclical nature, my life had a lot less resistance. Now that I know what I know, when sex is propositioned, I check-in straight away with where I am at in my cycle because it informs me of what my needs might be and what kind of sex I am up for. Here is a look at how I sync sex with my cycle through the four phases.
I wanted to take the time today to explore what is going on for her internally and to propose what she can do to experience this act of elation, this act of opening, this act of vulnerability with the person that she loves most. The focus here is on having her orgasm witnessed or seen by her partner – not what he can do to make her come (not my niche). I have found that this issue really isn’t about the skills in sex - this isn't about him not having the ability to facilitate her arousal and help her move towards orgasm. The block is more with her holding her own orgasm back.
Tapping into your power means getting closer to your anatomy and I have sourced two ways to do this! Via underwear and via no underwear so I thought I'd talk to you today about your cycle (if you cycle) and the power of pants that can help you during that time of the month and then what to do the rest of the month from a sexologist’s perspective.
When you think of an act of rebellion, you probably don't think of self-pleasure (formally known as masturbation). But it was and still is because the power women express when they are solely responsible for their own pleasure threatens millions. Relying on yourself for arousal and pleasure is empowering and there are so many bonuses because it strips away so much stress that can come into partner sex. In short, get into it (or...get onto yourself?)
There’s a routine that so many couples fall into that I feel called to go so far as to call it a trap. You know, the expectation that sex = intercourse or that all forms of touch and affection are a means to build up to intercourse. Or we just start skipping everything else and delve into intercourse because who needs warming up when there is familiarity? Put bluntly, it’s the intercourse trap.
Fertility can be miraculous and conception can happen against all odds but what we neglect to acknowledge is the fickle, sensitive, beautiful symphony that is the endocrine system, which relies on a predictable chain of events to generate optimal health. Like a bunch of dominoes, if one falls out of sync, the rest can too and what happens or isn’t happening with your cycle can be indicative of your fertility pathway.
Perfectionism is the phoniest of all the masks that women wear. And now that I can spot it in an instant, it frankly bores me. No, it angers me. It angers me for me, for you, for my sisters, for my daughter… I don’t get jealous anymore because if I meet you, I know what you have given up to be that way. You’ve given up your joy, your warmth, your humanism, your vitality and your authentic sex life.
You want to see that part of you that whispers sex goddess, that part of your personality that says magnetic and that smile that tells people you know exactly what you want…But there can be a barrier to accessing this part of you. She can be hard to coax out without preparation; when she is unfamiliar to you or you haven’t seen her in a while (or ever).
I am taking a huge breath in before I reveal my greatest shame to you all.
Only a few friends and family know this and it has been an ongoing source of angst and embarrassment to me for the last 4 years. It sounds really splashy, like the cover of New Idea magazine… Sexologist reveals greatest shame! (I can see it as I write this). But in all honesty, I have to speak to it in a public forum. It’s too exhausting trying to navigate the terrain of who knows and who doesn’t know.
Without trusted guidance, sexual arousal or conversely, numbness, can be difficult to navigate in a real life sexual situation, whether alone or with others. The beauty of tantric bodywork is that the knowledge that is accessed is all within you; shifting the dynamic from having a sexual experience where something is done to you to sourcing your unique sexual philosophy for yourself with your coach onside. This fosters independence rather than dependence so that you are equipped to draw on what you learnt during your sessions for years to come.
The clitoris is an internal and external pleasure trove! Misunderstood for centuries and even ignored, we now know more about the clitoris than ever before so I wanted to take this opportunity to review what sexologists have learnt thus far and why it is so important when it comes to desire, arousal and expression of female sexuality.
The toned abs, concave stomach and accompanying fake tan speak something else to me when I see them. The notion of being toned to that degree sometimes doesn’t gel well with a sexual body and here is why: