You don't have a sex problem. You have a permission problem.
I’m not the sexologist for women who’ve decided they’re trapped.
Who have more freedom than they’re willing to claim and say:
“I have to stay, I have to make it work, I have to be loyal regardless”
I have deep compassion for that feeling but I don’t work with it.
I instinctively know the difference between a woman who’s genuinely constrained – and a woman who’s using her relationship as the reason not to look at herself honestly.
And I can feel it within the first five minutes.
His comfort is merely the cover story.
She tells me she needs to fix her desire and make herself want him…
…but what she actually needs is permission to admit she’s been lying to herself about what she wants.
She tells herself she’s trapped by him and their commitment…
…but she’s trapped by the story that owning her bisexual desire means she has to blow everything up. That if she admits she wants women, she loses the relationship, the life and the version of herself everyone knows and loves.
So she comes to me with a sex problem when what she has is a permission problem.
And the sex problem isn’t mine to fix.
I can’t fix it when she’s betrayed the agreement she made with herself to be honest about what she actually wants.
The moment she decides to honour it is the moment we begin.
I work with the woman who’s done hiding from herself.
Who knows her relationship isn’t the trap – her own self-deception is.
Who’s ready to look directly at her attraction to women and find out what’s actually possible when she stops pretending it isn’t there.
That woman…I move mountains with her.
Because she’s already done the hardest thing.
She’s stopped lying to herself.
And from there – her clearest next move is inevitable.
