+ Permission to be sexual

Open your eyes to who & what a real sexual woman is - and it might not be what you think. It’s not necessarily what you see in the media or on TV. Being your real self doesn’t have to be incompatible with being sexual. You don’t have to choose. There’s space for both.

+ Permission to feel safe

Your safety will secure your pleasure. Being sexual doesn’t have to be risky. You can still have a sexual revolution whilst playing it safe. You’ll also discover what to do when you feel unsafe & how to ground yourself. It all starts with feeling comfortable being on your own & doing things for yourself, by yourself.

+ Permission to shelve desire

Chasing desire in a long term relationships (or even right away) can often leave you frustrated. It’s the difference between waiting for the magic to happen & proactively sourcing your own pull with your partner. Follow curiosity & interest. Scale things back. Have the courage to ask yourself, “what’s in it for me when it comes to sex?” You’ll walk away less frustrated because you’re not waiting for something magical to happen.

+ Permission to trust

You trust your head. But do you trust your body? Do you trust your feelings? High functioning women, like you & I, often have a block to trusting ourselves on a feeling level. A lot of our lives are analytical. But the sexual part of life doesn’t benefit from your book smarts (much to your and my dismay). It’s time to allow yourself to trust yourself...even if you’ve never done that before.

+ Permission to be choosy

Do you worry that your sexual choices will make your partner will feel rejection? Are you so choosy that it’s paralysing? Or are you settling for “that’ll do” instead of following what actually feels good? It’s time to own your sexual preferences. It’s safe to bring your preferences into the bedroom. You don’t want or need to say yes to everything. You’ll learn that being choosy & owning our preferences leads us closer to ourselves.

+ Permission to love vanilla

You have permission to own your very real, urban sex life. You don’t need transcendental sexual highs into the stratosphere. You have permission to love vanilla. It won’t be transcendental. But it’s going to be real & it’s going to be grounded and above all...you. And if you’re really interested in tantra, the book outlines what to be mindful of when exploring.

+ Permission to be serious

Serious doesn’t have to mean boring. Having a “fun” sex life is a good goal, but when you get serious first, it can allow the fun to come in more easily. It’s fascinating that you think you can do nothing for your intimate life & it’s still going to be good. But for everything else in your life, you’re constantly nurturing & then seeing those areas of your life thrive. This is your invitation to seriously nurture your sex life.

+ Permission to stay in control

Is your self talk telling you to “just let go”, but then you find that doesn’t work? The secret that no one is telling you is that letting go doesn’t necessarily mean enjoyment & pleasure. Your sex life might need more control on your part to feel safe & comfortable. You’re so in control of everything in your daily life that sometimes it feels incompatible to soften & be held by your partner. You can be in control & be held - and have a say in how that plays out. It’s not all or nothing.

+ Permission to take your time

I know you’re impatient for the problem to be solved. But when you take your time, you get there faster. The more you treat yourself with tenderness, the sooner you get to where you want to be… even if that looks or feels different to how you expect. No checklist, system or predefined process will get you there. It takes time to move through old patterns, habits & conditioning to be in your softness. This chapter will give you permission to pause if & when you need to.

+ Permission to sabotage

You’re going to stuff up. Nobody is perfect. Nobody gets it right the first time. Accept that sabotage will keep happening. Thankfully, sabotage can create the impetus to create change because sabotage gets painful. It’s time to move into a healthier space where you give yourself permission to try, make mistakes, learn from that & come back to try again.

+ Permission to speak up

Your silence keeps your sexual power quiet. And that makes it near impossible to get what you want in life & the bedroom. This chapter is about owning what you like and don’t like - and speaking up about it. Telling it like it is, instead of how you think you should say it to protect their feelings. The problem is that your original message can get lost in a haze of awkwardness and all that is left unsaid. The words that deliver unshakeable clarity are...Yes. No. I want. I need. Please. Me. I. Stop.

+ Permission to have trauma

Trauma exists in everyone. And it can show up in the midst of pleasure. It’s safe for trauma to be a valid reason that stops your arousal in its tracks. You have permission to pause, rather than pushing through sex while you’re in the midst of trauma. Trauma comes to us to be healed. You don’t need to let it take all your presence in sex away from you. You’re doing your best.

+ Permission to have boundaries

You don’t want someone else to feel something negative or painful if you can absorb it for them. You’d often rather feel uncomfortable yourself than have someone else feel uncomfortable. This chapter is about learning where your no is, which will actually help you find your yes. Just because you can doesn’t mean you have to. It’s time to reduce tolerating or “putting up with” sex. Boundaries bring clarity, relief, confidence & purpose.

+ Permission to not use products

Sex toys can be fun. They’re a great supplement in the bedroom. But they won’t be what heals your blocks or brings your sexual liberation. They may be part of your journey, but they are not the solution. Check whether you have a problem to solve before you place pressure on a sex toy to solve it for you. Because...false hope is a turn off.