What I’d do if I were you and I wanted better intimacy…
…from a qualified sexologists perspective.
If you love your partner but are finding yourself disinterested, turning away and feeling barely any spark in the bedroom, here’s exactly what you need to do…
Because this is the same thing that saw me googling “sexuality courses” back in 2010.
And now I can turn on my libido like 🤌🏼
First, bust the myth that this is the only problem you two have. It’s not. There’s always something else in the dynamic, and looking beyond yourself will help reveal it.
Resist the urge to add spice to something that isn’t even a plated dish yet. Toys, lingerie, opening the relationship or putting on a performance for your partner to prove your drive is still there will only highlight what’s missing right now – deepening that sense of otherness or not-enoughness.
Instead, approach this as an internal issue, even if the intimacy or the relationship itself is shaky. Your relating and your libido are fuelled by your nervous system, your body, and your brain first, and respond to the outside second. Change starts there and influences your response faster than making the external move first.
Get radically honest about where you’ve shut down, gone into fawn, let fear drive intimacy, or outsourced your turn-on to your partner’s actions, your business, or money. Then bring your focus back to your own body, desire, and power – in non-sexual ways first then the erotic, then the sexual.
Lock in my favourite definition of libido: how we give and receive pleasure, enjoyment, and acknowledgment (Alisa Vitti, WomanCode). It shows you how to return to a libidinous frequency with the simplest actions and informs potential self-enquiry.
Ask yourself: Do I fucking love myself? Am I honest with myself about my orientation? Is my appearance congruent with my Eros inside? Do I froth over my relationships? And DO I FUCKING LOVE MYSELF?
Notice we haven’t even got to your partner yet. That’s intentional.
You come first. You can’t solve a “we” problem if the “me” isn’t rooted in power.
When you’re lit up purely for yourself, that’s when conversations with your partner create lasting shifts – ones that follow you all the way into the bedroom…if they have the willingness to meet you there.
Which brings us to the act itself – and we both know that’s a conversation best had behind closed doors.
This is the work inside my new one-time session, EROTIC ALCHEMY – for high-performing women ready to look in so they can be met all the way – emotionally, energetically, and erotically.
In under 75 minutes, we shift you into becoming the erotic alchemist you truly are over three phases.
>We dissolve what’s been keeping you boxed in and locked out of your eroticism – the old conditioning, the shame, the self-betrayal, and the myth that love requires self-erasure.
>I guide you back into the seat of your body’s power – activating the frequency where love, pleasure, and connection pursue you and take root as your new normal.
>I channel exactly what you need to fully reclaim your potency – so you strip away the protective good girl armour, stop shrinking in your relationships, and start embodying your unapologetic Eros.
