Feeling like roommates? How to reconnect and bring back the spark in your relationship

He used the R word yesterday… 

“We’ve been feeling more like roommates than partners. We can kind of talk but the emotional and sexual intimacy…it’s just not really there and I don’t know what to do…” 

The week before, they’d had a satisfying crescendo that was a result of weeks of momentum building up. There was more presence at home, deeper conversations and the return of spontaneous, affectionate touch.

But then a family conflict over the weekend flared up emotions seething under the surface and it felt like all that progress had vanished.

He kept saying: "We’re back at square one."

His language was absolute. Finite. Highly critical of himself and what he saw as shortcomings in his actions and their relationship.

And I told him: “There is no square one in a long-term relationship.

Such a thing doesn’t exist. Because there is no going back - for good, bad or otherwise. And having one lapse…one shitty weekend as you rebuild your connection from the flatness of roommates back into the terrain of lovers isn’t going to undo absolutely everything you’ve worked so fucking hard for.” 

Not unless you will it or want it to. 

So we pivoted to the tangibility of deep daily work that requires a different R word…

Responsibility.

Responsibility for putting the done-to-death roommate dynamics to bed and using a new dialogue so a rekindling can begin. 

Responsibility for his own words and actions and allowing his partner to meet him rather than swooping in to “fix” her and 

Responsibility for protecting the relationship from outside interference with clear parameters and a specific deadline.

I didn’t delude my client that they needed more time together to make responsibility their new bridge to something much hotter.

Modern couples don’t need more time.

They need more focus and devotion to the small tweaks that make everything else come back online so a new cycle – starting with foreplay and ending in afterglow – can be their forever lived reality. 

Seeing everything as erotic is when you stop living in roommate mode, start connecting like lovers again and your bedroom blazes as a reflection of that.

This is exactly what we work on inside Erotic Alchemy – the one-time session where I take you back to the seat of your body’s power…so your relationship doesn't just occasionally hover near the edge of mind-blowing, it finally lives there.

If you feel the pull, act now.

Lauren xo