It’s no secret that millions of women avoid sex. Sometimes we avoid it when we don’t feel safe; sometimes we avoid it when we know there is nothing in it for us.
What we don’t talk about is how we avoid sex when we don’t feel confident. This point becomes even more perplexing when we don’t feel confident enough to be sexual with the one that we love.
Women are honestly puzzled. The equation of I love him/her therefore I should want to have sex with him doesn’t add up. And forcing it to equal sexual harmony is putting more pressure on her already dwindling confidence.
Women mumble the words 'Sex feels like a chore' to me on a weekly basis. No, I don't think this is a bad thing, it's more a case of untapped potential in your sex life. I'm going to offer you some real world solutions to getting out of feeling like sex is a chore to bringing in the satisfaction and coming back to the point of sex: pleasure.
When you think of an act of rebellion, you probably don't think of self-pleasure (formally known as masturbation). But it was and still is because the power women express when they are solely responsible for their own pleasure threatens millions. Relying on yourself for arousal and pleasure is empowering and there are so many bonuses because it strips away so much stress that can come into partner sex. In short, get into it (or...get onto yourself?)
It's 2017. 99.9% of porn is boring, fake and downright degrading.
You - you are real and I want you to know that. I'm addressing you - the woman who keeps trying to be someone that she is not. I'm telling you right now that pressure will extinguish your flame and keep your true sexual nature far, far away.
They are easy to get, affordable and fun. They make it all seem so simple – that when this product is used in sex then my hang-ups will magically dissolve. Yet so much of it doesn’t even scratch the surface of truly helping women and the stunning web that is female sexuality.
This blog is about Elly* and here I share her story about what does work when sex toys, lingerie, porn and courses don't.
Touch is the external expression of a feeling or a desire to create a feeling. And as the receiver, we know that touch is loaded with a feeling and an intention. We know when it is creepy, when it is invasive and when it is healing and nurturing.
Either way, when you touch someone, there is an agreement. All too often, it is a silent agreement and it is usually when the touch is finished that the dissatisfaction is spoken to. It does not have to play out this way.
To get some clarity on touch, here are three different touch styles that you can bring into your sex life tonight...
Fact: The rules of sex that govern your intimate life are actively feeding the blocks that you have about sex.
The best news is that sex doesn’t have any rules. The only foundation that everyone must have is that it is safe and consensual between two adults. Beyond that there's freedom. There’s liberation. There’s choice.
Learn the 3 biggest rules of sex you have to break to get to the pleasure.
My career endorsed labels to no end. Working in mental health, drug and alcohol and then Sexology, it was all about the labels. They are useful, they make sure people get the right treatment and medications. Important right?
Can I ask you now how labels have shaped your world?
Vanilla is my favourite flavour. I know, I know. I've studied sex and I work in sex so I'm meant to be interested in all different things right? Kinky things. Alternative things. I'm meant to be going over the edge into kink and Tantra; be the go-to when it comes to sex toy reviews and know of all of the sex parties you must attend. So, here's where things get really edgy. This is a public declaration that as a Sexologist, vanilla is my favourite flavour of sex.
Before I got married at 25 and well before I learnt about sex, I went through a deeply religious phase. I was devoted to the Christian faith. At the time, it felt like a dirty little secret. I hardly told anyone that I loved reading books that took me deeper into faith. The sense of ritual, the tests of unwavering faith, the hope and the ancient wisdom that felt unshakable. It all felt like the only answer to any human problem and my inner good girl was completely in her element on this path of study and obsession. But where was my sexuality?
I've worked with far too many women in long-term relationships that are completely giving their power over in sex in the name of love, compromise and giving. They haven't listened to their heart or their body and the end result is that they are going through sexual shutdown and aversion. But it isn't a one-off event that has them turning away from sex, but a series of events, sometimes appearing small and innocuous. And because so many women have enormous hearts and we put others before ourselves, we accidentally keep hurting ourselves and are actively turning ourselves off sex...