You are a mother, mum, mom, mama but you don’t feel sexy. You just don’t think your body is sexy now that it’s different. This one pains me - you have the potential to start seeing yourself as sexy as you are now. No more wasted energy on empty wishes and destructive thoughts. It’s time to own it mama and that is the sexiest characteristic of them all.
There are arbitrary numbers out there when it comes to birth and the postpartum period. You get a 6 week check from your GP, which somewhat attempts to lump EVERYTHING into the one basket. So, when you were informed that you could have sex (if you were informed), how did you feel? Did you feel ready or did this tick of approval see you mentally running away in your head?
That first year after birth is a strange time for sex and intimacy. There is such a broad range of experiences BUT a lot of common themes. This blog is the pure permission granter for not much to happen in the bedroom after you have a baby and the reasons why. If all of this goes over your head, just take this away - you can be sexual and a mother (truth).
Fertility can be miraculous and conception can happen against all odds but what we neglect to acknowledge is the fickle, sensitive, beautiful symphony that is the endocrine system, which relies on a predictable chain of events to generate optimal health. Like a bunch of dominoes, if one falls out of sync, the rest can too and what happens or isn’t happening with your cycle can be indicative of your fertility pathway.
As a sexologist, woman and mother – I hear a lot about how men and women see touch, affection, intimacy and sex quite differently. More often than not, women know the differences all too well and the reason they are coming to see me for sexuality coaching is because they want to know how to manage their concerns. This is the part that isn’t so obvious, especially when it is your relationship that you are trying to examine.
Woah! August was officially about sex and motherhood for me. Although the month has come to a close, it doesn't mean the topic has to. I have loved sharing more of my recent wisdom around sex and mamahood and how these two concepts can get along - if we let them! So, here goes. A summary of what I shared with Mamas this month:
A sex therapist once told me it can take 12 to 18 months for a woman’s hormones to re-calibrate to a normal level after birth, meaning that we need to be very kind to ourselves and to shift our expectations around our capabilities as we remember them. What I mean is that it is no longer about this is what I used to be able to do. It is now about asking yourself what is it that I am capable of now?