Sex isn’t everything in a relationship but when it is bad or crap…well, it starts to become pretty darn important. Now, it may not be a reflection of you two as a couple - more a reflection of bad habits. Deep breath before you read this one - it’s a truth talk extravaganza. I’m getting real with you about some of the reasons why your relationship might not outlast the bad sex that’s happening.
This time around, we aren’t going to talk about the why’s or the what happened’s that got you in a place of low libido, low desire and low interest although, those are important. Today, we are going to talk about 5 things you can do to break the ice when it has been a long time since you had sex. Totally realistic and totally gentle, I promise.
Thousands of women go through pregnancy loss every year - how does intimacy and our relationship come out the other side of that? I’m so fortunate to call Lauren a friend after we met when we were selected to give our TED-like talks at the Women’s Health + Fitness Summit last year. We decided to talk more now that the dust has settled on our big talks by doing a Facebook Live special talking Intimacy after pregnancy loss. Featuring Lauren Hewes of Tiny Ladder.
The people who make the best givers are those who know how to receive. Yup, I stand by that! Last weeks blog was ALL about receiving and getting to a much better place with that. Now, I want women to create better boundaries and containers around their giving so that it comes from a much healthier, less martyr-mode driven place. This one is important.
Women, women, women. We can’t just be ALL give. It’s a boring narrative and we are missing out on some really deep and liberating experiences when we don’t allow ourselves to receive. Let’s flip the script starting now - here are 3 ways you can warm up to receiving in life + sex when you are so hot for giving.
You have said to me: Lauren, we want V A R I E T Y in our sex life BUT…we don’t actually know what to do. What IS there besides intercourse? I hear you. Maybe you’ve forgotten. Maybe you’ve both become complacent and said…just put it in. Maybe, you just want it all over and done with. I’m putting it out there that there is another way. Actually, 9+ other ways. Read on…
You want to want to have sex and to improve your sex life - more frequency and more quality. But as you sit down in front of a qualified sexologist, she says: you need to stop having sex.
Why? This isn’t a riddle but a real question…in this blog post, I give you the answer and tell you why it allows something much better to grow on the other side (hint: that better thing is a good sex life)
You’ve shutdown in and about sex more times than you can remember. There may have been a pivotal moment you’ll never forget or maybe it was this gradual disconnection that happened over time. Each factor compounding the last. Whatever the origin, I want to give you permission to open and move out of sexual shutdown…
The tears might still be fresh in your eyes from your separation…you might be wondering how you are ever going to feel open to the next relationship…you wonder if you’ll ever have sex again (or feel like sex again based on how it all went last time!) But, things will change, shift and evolve and this article has been written to walk you through the process my clients have been through when they are in the limbo of separation and considering dating again…
Wanting it BACK and getting it BACK can give you a little bit of mojo to re-prioritise your sex life when it’s been quiet. Positive sexual memories are so important when we’re lost at sea but you aren’t actually going that way… The following is my two-prong approach to instilling hope and life into your next sexual chapter.
You’ve got to source the treasure to get to the pleasure…
You can't have a desert in your relationship and expect the bedroom to be in full bloom (well, unless the whole desert thing turns you on.)
So, if familiarity and boredom are the status quo in your relationship then it's time for a shake up. So here it is: a pleasure map containing 10 big tips to source or re-source the treasure in your relationship.
Busy, flustered, run down and overwhelmed are the name of the modern-day game. But all of these states spell something seriously toxic for your beautiful libido.
This blog needs to come with a warning for it’s exceptionally high level of truth talk where I kindly inform you that you aren’t actually busy (but you are choosing to be) and how you can create space for intimacy all by unearthing a few old time blocks.
There is a gap that exists between anxiety and confidence. A leap even.
It isn’t too hard to close this gap, you’ve just got to believe that anxiety isn’t your permanent state and that everything you need to become the sexual woman is inside of you. Seriously. Anxiety wants to tell you that this is how it is only, it doesn’t always tell the truth. Let’s reduce your anxiety so that you can come into confidence with the following 5 tips.
They have a HIGH libido and I have none.
Words I have heard a bazillion times but simply aren’t true. Can you hear me? They aren’t true! This one is for both of you: how you can feel your libido when you are out of touch with it and how your partner with the “higher” libido can meet you in more ways than sexually. This is an important read.
Hands up who has done a long-distance relationship?
I have and it was…testing. I didn’t know then what I know now but if I did, maybe those earlier years would have been a little more connecting. The following is my best-of when it comes to advice for getting back into intimacy for those in a relationship with a partner who does fly-in-fly-out or goes on deployment. I know it isn’t easy but hopefully some of this settles the bumps and awkwardness that happens when you reunite after a big period of enforced separation.
Long-term relationships are riddled with sexual disinterest. But why?
Shouldn’t things get better as our love grows deeper? One of the biggest conundrums my clients have is getting their heads and bodies around the fact that you can feel safe and in love but not want to have sex. If this is you, read on to get some insights into what could be going on and what you can shift to get the interest flowing again.
Oh missionary. It works but, let’s be honest.
It is kind of in the realm of been-there-done-that.
Just because you feel shy, awkward or inhibited in sex, doesn’t mean that you need to stick to the one bland flavour of sexual intercourse. Deep breath, here are 5 alternative sexual positions that will help you to feel comfortable as you open up to intimacy.
Your holiday is booked. You are so ready for the relaxation part but then you get tense thinking about all that time alone with your partner. You know they are going to want to have sex, maybe more often than usual because you are obligation free. Crap. What excuses can you use not to? What new ways can you avoid them? Well, rather than shutdown, I reckon you've got it in you to OPEN up. Here are 5 ways you can do that to make for some good quality holiday sex...
The only way you can even think to describe your sex drive is that it is low or non-existent. The only way you can even begin to describe your interest in sex is that there isn't any. But you love your partner (if you have one) and you really want to say goodbye to these persistent blocks that prevent you from feeling intimate and into IT. Deep breath, this is a deep journey into your sex drive and interest in sex. Read it all and feel yourself already walking away from inhibition and being checked-out of your own personal life.
When women come and see me in sessions, I am very aware of the fact that (if she is in a relationship) that I am also, in some ways, seeing her partner in sessions as well…without actually seeing him. We women have created some habits that we need your support to shift. There's so much we want men to know about us but we get stuck with how to tell you. So today, I am playing translator to let men know how they can support their female partner when it feels like she is checking out of their sex life.