I jumped on Facebook live last week to talk to about two pretty charged issues. Now, they charged on their own but I thought why not bring them together and double charge them?
I’m talking money and libido.
Prefer to watch instead of read? Press play here (but don't forget to scroll to the end of this post where I have snuck in a little exercise for you that isn't in the video!)
Talking about money is something I'm kind of secretly passionate about but I haven't started verbalising about it much…yet. But I definitely, definitely believe that there's a connection between your money and how you feel about money and how you treat money and how you treat yourself and the thread that connects to your sexuality. There’s lots of mirrors there with what we believe about sex and what we believe about money - especially as both of them have a lot to do with worth and pleasure.
Now, I’m just going to sidestep for a second to share a bit of a story with you - one of my dirty little secrets I call it is that when I had my second baby Sylvia two years ago, I still held onto my old day job even though I've got this beautiful business. I went on maternity leave and then I went on a bit of long service leave for a while and then I transitioned to leave without pay so that I could just see how my business went after having my second baby and to see if I was going to go back to my day job. My big question was…was I going to continue my business or was I going to do two jobs? Admittedly, there was a time where it was all just kind of up in the air.
But in 2017, I really started to get a lot of clarity about how much I love my business – what my message is and what my purpose is with it and especially when I started to write my book Permission, I thought yeah the day job has got to go and as of today, I am officially not a Queensland Health employee anymore (YAY!!) and I got my statement of service in the post - which is everything I've done for Queensland Health since 2007!! So I want to use that as a bit of an anchor for you – just bear with me now - I'm going to link a few dots for you…
How you feel about your work, which is what gives you money and how you feel about that money feeds into your sexual life and libido.
So when you feel good about your work and when you feel good about the money that you make your libido is going to open up and I've witnessed this in my own life – I’ve experienced serious peaks and troughs with the flow of money that comes as being as an entrepreneur. Now, being an entrepreneur isn't the classic story (if any of you business owners are watching this) of one day you're sleeping on your sisters couch and the next day you've got close to a multi-million dollar business or a six-figure business. It really doesn't happen that way for the vast majority of us so money is a consideration when it comes to starting a business and whether it's going to keep going or whether you are going to fold it.
I want to acknowledge and say that money was and is important and it did keep me going through my Queensland Health work (which funded my business) but now there's been a really gentle transition period and just to give you a bit of hope if you're a business owner - this has been 6 or so years in the works - it's just not realistic for most of us that we switch from a secure day job with entitlements and a fortnightly pay check to just being on our own as an entrepreneur.
I just want to say that I've really noticed the difference in my libido (and that's a reflection of also moving through the postpartum period for the second time as well) but I’ve really noticed a difference in my libido because my work is in alignment and I'm charging my worth and when that energy as money comes through it makes me feel better about life in general. Better isn’t the right word. It makes me feel good about myself (proud even) as it is an apt reflection of the work I'm putting out and then what comes back is not only valuable but valued. Yes for alignment!
But you don't need to be an entrepreneur to have these feelings of course - you can be in your own beautiful day job and the safety and security that comes with that is just priceless (or it can be priceless so long as it's not costing you something else like your health or your sanity!).
I’ve done this post to prompt you into reflection first of all:
+How do you feel about your work if you are working in exchange for money?
+Is that work in alignment with you and does the pay feel like it's a reflection of the work that you're doing and the costs and the toll that comes with that?
These are really, really important questions for you to tap into because they could be a prompt for you to seek something else or to start to fantasise even about something else or to start planting some seeds for your own business or your own work. All I know is if we feel stuck in our work or if we feel shit about the money that we are making - if it doesn't feel enough (although beware the trap of not enough) but if it doesn't feel like it is reflective of your work then that's something that you could potentially negotiate with your superior or maybe you could seek a higher position within your company or within you organisation.
These are necessary things to think of when it comes to the money-worth-pleasure connection.
I say all of this because if we are feeling tight about all of that in our everyday lives then it's very possible that when sex is propositioned or when you would like to initiate sex then we are keeping that tension and keeping that contraction and we're keeping that kind of compacted feeling in our bodies and it makes it a little bit challenging to unravel when it comes to sex - which is about pleasure and freedom and just going there and saying yes, feeling open and feeling comfortable and confident.
So a few more questions for you to think about ::
+What is your relationship like with money? (that's a big one!)
+How do you feel about your work your worth?
+Are you noticing that stress around money or preoccupation with money or fear of there not being enough money is taking up your head space at night or taking up your headspace when you've got the space for sex?
+Is all of this putting a stop to sex because you're too much in a fear of I'm not being supported or I’m not feeling safe?
So have a think about it - it's a big one and I feel like I've just skimmed the surface today but there's a lot more there and you are so worth it and you are so worth charging for your worth and what you feel you put in and you are so worth charging your value and I’m not just saying this to everyone listening - I'm saying it to me as well.
We are worth it.
Lastly, there is a connection between money and sex as both live in the lower echelons of your body energetically - money lives in root chakra and sexuality lives in the sacral chakra so the problems can get a little bit intertwined there.
Something I didn’t cover in the video is that you can practice feeling more safe in your root chakra (which includes your feet, legs, buttocks and anus) by using some Cedarwood oil (it’s very earthy/woodsy) and sometimes I just smell it and other times I rub some on my coccyx (our little tailbone) and breathe really deep into my body. Other times, I sit up cross legged on the bed and imagine that I can breathe IN from my anus up through my body and it allows me to feel like I have a clear channel rather than feeling stuck and blocked and in ‘not enough’ mode.
Let me know if you have any questions about sex and money and the connection and if you do then I can create another blog + video based on this fascinating topic!
P.S. Feeling ready to part with your money to invest in your sexuality? I have done this many times over with excellent outcomes only that, I don't want you to have to spend as much as I have on higher education ($20k just for my sexology degree!) or courses, retreats, books and 1.1 sessions (I know how much ALL of that is but won't say!) - I seriously just want to give you what you need for a whole lot less (like, a whole lot less!). My clients echo again and again what a good investment 1.1 sessions are and yeah, I'm inclined to agree with them! So if you're ready to invest, I'm ready to share exactly what will work for you - because you aren't like everyone else and the sex advice you receive shouldn't be exactly what everyone else is getting. It's all at my sessions page.