Confidence Series #3: How to let your wild woman out (without booze or drugs)

We good girls have a serious problem.

We are pent up to the hilt.

We have no idea how to unwind, let the steam off and access the other parts of our identity that need release.

We work, we strive, we aim to please and then true relaxation and pleasure is sabotaged or never really felt.

As a mostly reformed good girl, I have learnt how to get the shit out, be a wild woman – day or night – and just. be. me. Yes, I still have slip-ups. I still have moments of wanting to make sure all my head tasks are done because then I will be more present for sex. Case in point – I was recently distracted by the outside light of our house being on as things were heating up in the bedroom.

There are still moments where lingering obligations and duties sap my ability to be in the moment and I wish it wasn’t so. I wish that all my learnings had cured me.

But instead of wishing that I were hardwired differently (old habits die hard), I usually just do the thing I need to do increase presence and let my wild woman emerge. Some things aren’t worth fighting. Choose your battles.  

Tapping into your wild woman needn’t be extensive or life changing. She is always there waiting.

The wild woman is the part of you that is messy, dirty, unapologetic, takes what she wants, is hedonistic and always puts the pleasure first.

She’s got a lot to say and A LOT of energy so when women don’t express her, they feel blocked and find it a serious struggle to be anything expressive besides angry and frustrated. Because the good stuff isn’t let out, what does get let out is hard and limiting. There’s nothing wrong with feeling angry or frustrated but if that is your only intense emotion, you are seriously missing out. And you know it..

This is how my wild woman emerges in short bursts (and yours can too!):

+Lounge room dancing (or office dancing or bedroom dancing or bathroom dancing). Let go. Go crazy. Shake it all out. Throw your head around. No-one is watching. And if you are still holding back then it is proof that you are your harshest critic. If you want to take your dance of the wild woman public, I can vouch for Kundalini Dance (a very personal dance through the seven chakras) or Dancing Eros (a revelatory dance through 5 core archetypes that live within women – one of them being, the wild woman).

+Simply holding my pussy in the bath or shower. She is right there. She wants your attention. So I give it to her even when I don’t feel wild so that my connection to my sexuality isn’t all or nothing/all on or all off. These little moments make it easier when sex happens because we aren’t trying to re-familiarise ourselves with our anatomy in the heat of the moment. The connection has already been fostered.

+Connecting with other women who are open to talk about sex and sexuality. It doesn’t have to be big and deep or lengthy. It’s merely more about the possibility and comfort of being open to talking to them about my wild woman – the parts of me that have fucked up, the parts of me that feel shameful, the parts of me that are pushing and forcing and above all, my learnings from being human. I value their input and advice and they are non-judgmental (hint: your wild woman will not emerge in a space of judgment).

+Changing my hair and/or your appearance. It’s contentious of me to say this, because your wild woman doesn’t need decoration or adorning. BUT are you being held back by an old identity? Do you need a change to signify that you are ready to meet her? When I cut all my hair off 2 years ago, it was as though I had become a woman - this action alone had me meeting my wild woman quicker than giving birth without drugs…seriously. Need help? Book in with Majella of The Stylery Co.

+Playing games with kids. It always sparks a bit of joy to pretend to be an animal or another identity with kids. My girls have allowed me to see that this very primal side needs to emerge – the one that knows her inner child and channels it by running around on the trampoline being a dag. Yup, it’s my wild woman coming out to play. Roaw!

+Doing a boudoir photo-shoot. I stand by it. You can let your wild woman out in the safety of role play and imagery. The photos can be just for you but they are evidence that she lives inside of you, even when you don't feel her. My tip: book in with Nicole Barralet Photography if you are in Brisbane.

+The intention to drink alcohol is well thought through: When I do drink (I don’t use any other drugs – I left them behind in my 20’s but insert your drug of choice here), it’s a conscious choice to take me to a slightly alternate state. The intention is always to enhance rather than suppress. Rather than use alcohol to access my wild woman, I use it to enjoy the taste, to tap into pleasure, to brighten a social situation, as part of a ritual and to celebrate a victory. I rarely get hangovers because being able to increase my wild woman quota and the quality of my sex life has meant that I don’t need to go overboard – it ends up feeling kind of wrong and unnecessary.

Oh Champagne used to be the third wheel in my sex life. I still love it but I don't pair it with sex anymore.

Oh Champagne used to be the third wheel in my sex life. I still love it but I don't pair it with sex anymore.

I will say this:

The more you know your truest self and all your light and shadow and shame and sexuality and all that you are, the less you need to escape from yourself. The more you know how to let the wild part of you out, the less you need to rely on a substance to do it for you.

Becoming comfortable with your wild woman in the day will make it easier to channel her in the bedroom. She is not a tap you turn off and on again. Make choices to befriend her like in the ways I mentioned and then it is easier to…

+Move your body in a fluid, dance-like motion in the bedroom

+Touch your own sexual anatomy in sex

+Talk about your sexual up’s and down’s with your friends and your partner

+Look in the mirror and feel confident about the woman before you because the outside aligns with the inside

+Be playful, primal and animalistic

+Hold your body thoughtfully in sex and not be pre-occupied with your own perceived flaws

+Not rely on drugs or alcohol to access her. You are satiated by everything else and this short cut won’t cut it anymore

Let me know how you are swallowing down your own, powerful wild woman in the comments below. Can you make a pledge today that you will let her come out in at least one of the ways I mentioned in the blog?

Lauren xo