Thirty-three. Three and three. This is my list of three life lessons you must follow and three big pearls about sex I have learnt in the last (you guessed it!) 33 years. I quickly deemed a list of 33 just way too long. And too much pressure. And I couldn’t be bothered because I need to get onto buying a cheesecake. Priorities.
Woah! August was officially about sex and motherhood for me. Although the month has come to a close, it doesn't mean the topic has to. I have loved sharing more of my recent wisdom around sex and mamahood and how these two concepts can get along - if we let them! So, here goes. A summary of what I shared with Mamas this month:
A sex therapist once told me it can take 12 to 18 months for a woman’s hormones to re-calibrate to a normal level after birth, meaning that we need to be very kind to ourselves and to shift our expectations around our capabilities as we remember them. What I mean is that it is no longer about this is what I used to be able to do. It is now about asking yourself what is it that I am capable of now?
When the clock turned over to 2014, did you make a pledge to yourself or your partner that this would be the year that you address your sexual concerns? You know, those niggling worries that may go unnoticed for a while but then somehow reappear when sex is propositioned, causing a spiral of thinking that says “there is something wrong with me”.
If the sex was hot but you feel morally conflicted about it, we are left with the remnants to decipher and a choice as to whether we incorporate that experience into our Sexosophy or leave it behind us. What this means is that the experience that accompanies sexual regret is huge at the time and can steal a lot of our head space trying to process it.
The real answer is that clients are real people that are ready to reflect back on where their sexuality has taken them and how they can access it in other ways and on deeper levels. They present to sex coaching knowing that it is possible to feel more of their sexuality but are unsure of the means to get there.
So, what is the answer to this age-old question? My guess is that there are a number of factors that are making sex less than enticing and whilst sex can be a great stress reliever, it can be challenging to go from daily stress up at 100 to sex at 0 without any cushioning to help us get there.
Our Pubococcygeus (PC) muscle saddles our pelvic floor and is responsible for urine flow, enhancing orgasm and sexual pleasure and supporting women’s internal sexual anatomy (especially during pregnancy). The eastern world has known for years that our sex muscle can mean improved sexual functioning and health.