pleasure

Permission to not orgasm : Why we need to take the pressure off orgasm

Permission to not orgasm : Why we need to take the pressure off orgasm

Sex = orgasm, right?

Wrong! Sex = connection, intimacy, pleasure, joy, arousal, tranquility and MORE. Orgasm is one part of sex but it’s not the whole thing. Are you ready? You are about to receive the medicine your libido needs and it is: permission to not orgasm.

Your libido and money - reflections of worth and pleasure

Your libido and money - reflections of worth and pleasure

Libido….

Money….

Is there a connection there? I reckon there is! When women get clear on their worth and on the money that comes into their lives, they get more comfortable within their sexual expression because their bodies aren’t in fear and contraction. When the money and worth flows nicely, so too does the sexual energy…

What do you do if you are not sexually satisfied? (rather than pretend you don’t care)

What do you do if you are not sexually satisfied? (rather than pretend you don’t care)

Ahhh satisfaction - that sweet end point where we hunger no more.

But how do we know when we feel it? How do we know when we have arrived? 

Only you can answer that one so if you are feeling like frustration is ruling your bedroom and satisfaction is nowhere to be seen, read this one to make sure you aren't accidentally overlooking your sexual satisfaction (it could well be right in front of you!)

Why your anxiety and apprehension about sex is normal

Why your anxiety and apprehension about sex is normal

I want to talk to you today about anxiety in sex. And apprehension. And all the fear and jumbled, heavy, dense emotions that swell through sex for women. I did a post recently that said anxiety doesn’t want you to be sexual and I thought that I could expand upon it today because it is the reason why women come to me for coaching. It is this experience of being blocked, shutting down, numb and completely lacking libido. So much of that can be traced back to the fact that they feel anxious about sex.

A mama’s guide to resuming sex after birth – the first year

A mama’s guide to resuming sex after birth – the first year

That first year after birth is a strange time for sex and intimacy. There is such a broad range of experiences BUT a lot of common themes. This blog is the pure permission granter for not much to happen in the bedroom after you have a baby and the reasons why. If all of this goes over your head, just take this away - you can be sexual and a mother (truth). 

How to make sex easy when it feels like a chore

How to make sex easy when it feels like a chore

Women mumble the words 'Sex feels like a chore' to me on a weekly basis. No, I don't think this is a bad thing, it's more a case of untapped potential in your sex life. I'm going to offer you some real world solutions to getting out of feeling like sex is a chore to bringing in the satisfaction and coming back to the point of sex: pleasure.

When vibrators, lingerie and dress ups don’t work: A client's story.

When vibrators, lingerie and dress ups don’t work: A client's story.

They are easy to get, affordable and fun. They make it all seem so simple – that when this product is used in sex then my hang-ups will magically dissolve. Yet so much of it doesn’t even scratch the surface of truly helping women and the stunning web that is female sexuality.

This blog is about Elly* and here I share her story about what does work when sex toys, lingerie, porn and courses don't. 

Getting clear on sexy TOUCH

Getting clear on sexy TOUCH

Touch is the external expression of a feeling or a desire to create a feeling. And as the receiver, we know that touch is loaded with a feeling and an intention. We know when it is creepy, when it is invasive and when it is healing and nurturing.

Either way, when you touch someone, there is an agreement. All too often, it is a silent agreement and it is usually when the touch is finished that the dissatisfaction is spoken to. It does not have to play out this way.

To get some clarity on touch, here are three different touch styles that you can bring into your sex life tonight...

RELIGION is blocking my sex life

RELIGION is blocking my sex life

Before I got married at 25 and well before I learnt about sex, I went through a deeply religious phase. I was devoted to the Christian faith. At the time, it felt like a dirty little secret. I hardly told anyone that I loved reading books that took me deeper into faith. The sense of ritual, the tests of unwavering faith, the hope and the ancient wisdom that felt unshakable. It all felt like the only answer to any human problem and my inner good girl was completely in her element on this path of study and obsession. But where was my sexuality?

WOMEN: The Sexual Boundaries you have to have.

WOMEN: The Sexual Boundaries you have to have.

I've worked with far too many women in long-term relationships that are completely giving their power over in sex in the name of love, compromise and giving. They haven't listened to their heart or their body and the end result is that they are going through sexual shutdown and aversion. But it isn't a one-off event that has them turning away from sex, but a series of events, sometimes appearing small and innocuous. And because so many women have enormous hearts and we put others before ourselves, we accidentally keep hurting ourselves and are actively turning ourselves off sex...

You need to part with your MONEY to gain your SEXUALITY.

You need to part with your MONEY to gain your SEXUALITY.

I am a sexual woman

I am a sexual woman who has spent $50k on my sexuality.

(At least).

Yes. You need to exchange one to receive the other. It isn’t tawdry. It is necessary.

Here’s why.

You don't have a SEXUAL PEAK

You don't have a SEXUAL PEAK

THE SECRET IS...
YOU ARE ALWAYS PEAKING.
Just as women are multi-orgasmic so are sexual peaks. I don't believe that there is one specific time or period in your life when you are most sexual. Your sexuality is exhibited in multiple forms of expression and isn't represented by the act of sex alone. 

SELF-PLEASURE: May is masturbation month!

SELF-PLEASURE: May is masturbation month!

A whole month dedicated to the art and craft of self-pleasure - oh YES!

Before I go on to explain all the why's of self-pleasure (or its other moniker masturbation) let's just all say it outright. Talking about masturbation is an awkward dialogue. The only reason why it feels far less awkward for me is because it has become more common and natural with increased frequency. I also now don't see it as a jerk-off session but a space to cherish your sexual energy - in whatever form it takes. 

FEMALE SEXUALITY: Sex Red Flags (+ their Antidotes)

FEMALE SEXUALITY: Sex Red Flags (+ their Antidotes)

Red Flag #1: Lights out in the bedroom and not one bit of flesh to be seen. Constantly having sex in the dark is an indicator of bigger issues with yourself and your relationship. If you don’t want to be seen or see your other, you are missing out on a vital ingredient of connection and intimacy, which is witnessing. You are also never naked in front of your partner. My guess is you are probably all too aware of what is getting in the way, which is body appearance, inhibition and discomfort or shame with pleasure being in the light.

FROM THE SEXOLOGISTS DESK: Pleasure / Redemption

FROM THE SEXOLOGISTS DESK: Pleasure / Redemption

Oh my, this topic is a tough one. I’m going to be naming the culprits and exposing some vulnerable stuff around pleasure, money, food and time with other women. These are all issues of the sacral chakra and it is easy to get them jumbled and interconnected in both enlightening ways (desired) and ways that represent a box of shadows gnawing at each other (undesired). This is pleasure / redemption.

FROM THE SEXOLOGISTS DESK: I am the desire huntress

FROM THE SEXOLOGISTS DESK: I am the desire huntress

So, now I am willing to share my core learning. Deep-breath-IN. The nugget that took five plus years to reveal itself to me. The reason why my sexuality evolved from being stuck, turning away from sex, being passive, stopping sex and denying pleasure TO asking for pleasure, being sexually satisfied, attuned to my body’s sensations and ultimately a sex goddess...

FEMALE ANATOMY: An ode to the clitoris

The clitoris is an internal and external pleasure trove! Misunderstood for centuries and even ignored, we now know more about the clitoris than ever before so I wanted to take this opportunity to review what sexologists have learnt thus far and why it is so important when it comes to desire, arousal and expression of female sexuality.

PAINFUL SEX: A stop sign to sexual pleasure

PAINFUL SEX: A stop sign to sexual pleasure

Not knowing how to approach sex from the beginning of the sexual pain problem leads some down a path of aversion – If something that was pleasurable now causes pain, I just won’t do it anymore…This is logical reasoning on a part of the individual but what a loss to miss out on sexual contact and connection because of a condition that can be helped by select professionals.

SEXUAL ENHANCEMENT: Moving from numbness to sensation

Sexual numbness or numbness with sex has a pretty tight bond with low sexual desire and low sexual arousal, which makes perfect sense. If we don’t feel sex physically, emotionally or spiritually then we aren’t going to crave that experience again anytime soon.