Did you know that sex can be different throughout the four phases of your menstrual cycle?
More specifically, what your preferences are, where your arousal is at, how long your orgasm takes to…orgasm. We women aren’t one and the same every day and neither are our feelings about sex (or our bodies, our conversations, our energy levels, our ability to be OUT there). Like the moon, we wax and wane. So rather than try and be a big, bright full moon every single day, I say we drop the mask and work with our natural flow rather than keep telling it how it is going to flow.
Read (or watch) the rest here:
When I dropped the notion of always having to be ON, my life had a lot less resistance. Now that I know what I know, when sex is propositioned, I check-in straight away with where I am at in my cycle because it informs me of what my needs might be and what kind of sex I am up for.
Here is a look at how I sync sex with my cycle through the four phases.
Oh yeah, when you're in your follicular phase it's like spring! I always feel this lightness kick in when I stop bleeding as my energy levels rise for creativity, connection and libidinous endeavours! This phase always sees me become a far more chilled out problem solver. What does that mean for sex? It's the primo time of your cycle to try NEW things.
New skills, new positions, new places, new breathwork, new toy, new role. Basically, you're most open to learning, experimenting and exploring and this trifecta is going to create your portal to shifting your sex life. My guiding question in this phase is: what can I learn? It de-personalises everything just a little bit so you can potentially avoid the downward spiral that powerlessness and worthlessness take you down.
So, try something new. Try snuggling for just a moment longer (yup, stay in the mess), try a new time of day (even 8pm over 10pm), try giving yourself permission to take more time with your arousal or to make a little bit more eye contact.
Are you on fire?
Are you glowing? Magnetic? Feeling sane?
That's ovulation working its M A G I C.
It might see you with your highest energy levels, clearest communication skills and a peaking libido.
Why can't we be like this more often??
During ovulation, I say yes to a lot of social stuff, I feel insanely connected to people and sex is definitely on the radar. If you normally need a lot of warm up during the other phases, then this is your chance to move things a little faster because your body is a big green light for play. There's good lubrication, your body is warm and you may be turning your head twice to get a better look at someone (or them at you!)
If intercourse is going to happen and you don't want a bebe crying in your arms in 9 months time then use protection. My favourite is condoms because they don't cause any hormonal imbalance and have a compelling success rate.
This is the phase before menstruation starts and I organically tend to de-clutter a lot, stay in and start to slow the pace of life down where I can.
When it comes to sex, I don't want touch to be as fast and high voltage as in my ovulatory phase. My arousal takes longer to build, orgasm takes longer to arrive and I need more full body touch and down-regulation to feel present. All normal for this quieter phase. I really love feeling that second Testosterone peak that greets me halfway between ovulation and bleeding too. It's a nice little pick me up before going very inward.
If you know you are in the luteal phase and it's a yes for you for sex, just a heads up...you may want a little more lovemaking than f*cking. You may want more gentle, less thrusty.
Do you feel it?
All the weird, foggy clarity at this time?
My libido during this phase isn't high for sexual expression but it is high for ideas and downloads about how I want my life to be. The real key of the menstrual phase that I learnt through Flo Living is that whilst you may get all these ideas, wait until you are out of this phase to act on them. A little bit of time will tell you what you want to follow through with and what was simply just an idea.
Try not to push yourself during this time. Today at the gym I just sat on one of those lazy bikes and spun it for 15 minutes. Gentle movement is key. If I get irritated during this phase, I can trace it back to the fact that there is something present in my life that I push through or tolerate during other phases of my cycle. Really listen during this time.
Take it S L O W.
And if you feel like sexual expression, go for it. If you don't, totally normal. I'm more open to purely giving in this phase than receiving (if my energy is up for it). Otherwise, the follicular phase has some fun in store so feel free to save up your juice for that block of time.
Syncing sex with my cycle gives me permission to be changeable and to move in different ways. Do you respond any differently?
(I want to give a big shout out to Woman Code by Alisa Vitti for opening my eyes to the power of my cycle back in 2012. In short - read this book!)
Syncing sex with your cycle is a form of acknowledgment and we women need acknowledgment! If you are struggling to give yourself the permission to be sexual and to flow in your life (because I know you like to strive!) sessions are a potent way to look back at where life isn't working and to start making it work with you. All the details on how to book your introductory session are here.