I never want you to try and be something that you're not BUT I love putting spins on aspects of sex where you feel blocked. The whole messy/clean dichotomy is one of them.
Read (or watch) the rest here:
Recently, I was talking to a client about lying in the mess. You probably already know you have a problem with mess if you spring out of bed as soon as sex is finished (and it isn't just to do a wee because you are worried about a UTI). You find the mess of sex, like the fluids and lubrication all a bit messy. And messy makes you screw your nose up.
Today I am asking if you could try befriending the mess a little more? The reason you need to lie in the mess once in a while is twofold. Firstly, you'll be staying with the feeling of bonding after sex rather than cutting it off and walking away. Secondly, you'll be giving a nice middle finger to all of the conditioning that wants you to stay clean and be good. We women are primal, raw, natural and need to say f*ck it every now and again. Don't let conditioning tame you.
Here’s how to do it
When we feel like we need to have all of our ducks in a row (aka having all our shit together), it’s easy to get equally caught up in the desire to have everything ordered, neat and clean.
This overwhelming desire to live our life this way can bring all of our hard work to a grinding halt when we get into the bedroom.
It dawns on us quickly before we can even realise it…
Sex is messy
Sex is dirty/yucky/smelly
Oh shit. This doesn’t line up with everything else in my life! This feels wrong…this feels naughty!
Everything that has been said here is a very real possibility for sex – it can get messy and a little dirty. But really, all of this comes down to mindset work – the words sex is messy, dirty, wrong or naughty are all simply thoughts. The problem is that they are powerful ones that can turn us OFF sex. The main feeling that swirls around us is disgust and that is the complete opposite of feeling TURN on and appealed to sexual intimacy.
I don’t want to change you with the following or to feel like you have to radically alter the ways you like to live your life – you need to be comfortable. Tweaking these thoughts though could give you some relief and have you feeling less stressed about sex.
If these thoughts are swirling around and sending your arousal down, here are my top mindset tips. It’s simply about reframing it all:
Sex is natural and normal
Smells are a good sign of arousal and that means that pleasure has the chance to follow
Mess…who cares? (seriously, how big of a deal is it to change your sheets?)
Sex is an expression of my womanhood (this is a good antidote to feeling naughty – like a girl rather than a woman)
It’s safe for me to feel sexual pleasure
Mindset work loves repetition to really be effective. There are bonus points for saying these new mindsets out loud because they start to lose their charge...we feel the power of the words and then we release its stronghold on us.
Keep at it.
P.S. Libido need a little help getting coming out from 'sex is bad-land'? Introducing Conversations : a LIVE webinar series on the 13th February that gives you the time and space to learn, ask and share wisdom around hot topics in female sexuality. Think everything you have ever wanted to know about your body, sexual skills, communication, touch and getting out of your head and into your arousal. In the first session for 2018, we will talk love, libido and life and the ways that these can flow more readily and abundantly into your intimate life.
Give your libido a little Valentine's-Galentine's Day love this year (not that we fall for it all) and come along. Head straight to the Conversations page to join.
1.1 Sessions: Need the anxiety to lessen so the pleasure can get through? Need to embrace a little bit of easing into sex without all of the intrusive thoughts taking you out of presence? Head straight to my sessions page to learn more about working with me so you can clear out and move on ASAP.