When you want help with your intimate and sex life, you might suddenly realise – Oh wait, I don’t live anywhere near a sex therapist.
Or: my life is so jam packed, how will I even attend appointments?
Or maybe you’ve come across a special someone and thought: I really want to work with them. But I can’t quite travel across Australia (or maybe the world) to attend one of their workshops or offerings.
I get it! That’s happened to me.
Lucky for you, you don’t need to stress. Sex therapy online for women is here in the present moment.
And it works.
But wait. What is sex therapy online?
Sex therapy online is a modality where the psychotherapeutic process that traditionally takes place face-to-face happens virtually (i.e. by video conferencing or text function) instead. The work, conversation and discussion between the therapist and client centres around the presenting sexual concerns, problems and intimacy challenges.
Because of the physical separation of being online, no touch is possible between the therapist and client. I mention this specifically as some therapists are trained in a modality called sexological bodywork and consensual touch for agreed upon therapeutic purposes can occur between therapist and client. Aspects and teachings of sexological bodywork can be shared but the touch component is not possible.
Now, I’ve been doing this sex therapy thing a long time.
I’ve done it both in person and online with women.
Today, I’m going to highlight all the things that work really well when it comes to online sex therapy, when online sex therapy might not be the best option for you and what you need know before you get started working online.
Online Sex Therapy – What Works Well
Location: It goes without saying that online sex therapy is perfect for people who live in a location where a sex therapist isn’t close by. For some people, there isn’t a sex therapist in their town, city, state or sometimes even, their country. Seeing someone in person just isn’t an option so still being able to access this help online is important.
Time Zones: Online sex therapy can work really well for different time zones. For example, being in Australia, I can work with someone during my normal office hours but for them, it is their out of work hours. This is convenient for me because I don’t have to work late at night or really early in the morning to fit someone else’s work schedule and visa versa.
Freedom: Online sex therapy is really good for creating a greater sense of freedom with appointment/session times. This works for the therapist and the client.
Say one of us is away at a conference or on leave but is still open to holding the session – as long as we have a phone or a PC then we are in business. We can be sitting in a hotel room, on the beach or in an airport lounge and still have a sex therapy session – how cool is that?
Personally, I use Zoom for sessions. If you aren’t familiar with it, it is a video conferencing app that you can use to create online workshops or meetings with 2 or more people. The bonus is, meetings can be recorded so ask your sex therapist if this is an option if you would like a recording of your progress to reflect back on.
Appearance: It’s a big joke in the entrepreneurial world – we can still turn up and do our work but with no pants. The same applies to you – you can turn up to your online sex therapy sessions and have no pants (or have really daggy ones on). The same rules don’t apply as in person when we can only see each other from the waist up.
Online Sex Therapy – When it ISN’T the best option for you
When you need human contact: Sometimes in this online world, we just need to be face-to-face with someone. If you have the option of attending sex therapy sessions in person and you need this therapeutic intimacy then definitely take this option. I know that when one of my healers is in Brisbane, I choose to see her in person because the warmth and intimacy factor is higher for me in person that online.
As a sex therapist, I’ll be the first to share that in-person sex therapy is truly a magical process. From my perspective, being in the same room as my client is really powerful as I’m able to see their whole body and how it responds to what is being said and how the breath work and meditation exercises are being received and utilised. This is still possible online but there are subtle things that humans do body language wise that are more noticeable in-person.
Online sex therapy might not be the best option for you if you need the incentive of doing things deeper in the presence of the sex therapist. What I mean by that is, sometimes in sessions, we move our bodies (all clothes on) and I demonstrate different ways of opening that are really gentle. This is more challenging to demonstrate and emulate when you are online. If this is you and you are willing to travel, I offer intensive weekends 1.1 for women who want to do the work deeply but are short on time or live far away so book a private discussion with me to arrange this.
Online Sex Therapy – What you need to know
Before you commit to online sex therapy, you need to know that just like in-person sessions, it requires your complete attention. No kids around, no looking at other stuff on your phone or PC as you work with your therapist – it needs to be treated as though it is just the two of you in the room, because it is!
And it needs to be said – just because it is online, doesn’t mean that your accountability for showing up is any less than in person. When you make that booking with your therapist, they are taking the time to see and help you so be sure to treat their time and expertise with respect. If you have an emergency, give them as much notice as possible that you can’t attend so they can use their time wisely.
Online doesn’t mean less accountability - it isn’t the easier option compared to face-to-face and isn’t there for you to squeeze it in with all your other commitments. If you aren’t willing to slow down your life a little and make space to do this, it probably isn’t going to work. Sex therapy has a better chance of working when you cull unnecessary stress from your life so that you can FEEL your libido - it’s there but it’s buried under stuff and a love of being busy.
If you find that your motivation to show up is waning then that is a natural part of the sex therapy process and isn’t to be feared. Resistance will tell you time and time again to stay put as you are but nothing good GROWS there.
As long as you have a good relationship with your therapist, keep showing up to your sessions – online or in person. You’ll be so glad you did.
Online sex therapy is effective and it works. If you feel resistance to working online or have a bit of tech phobia, try to let it go and allow technology to help you if this is a service you need but your location is a barrier to accessing sessions.
P.S. If you’re ready to put your screen on and do something useful with it rather than scroll then you sound ready to start your online sex therapy process with me. From the comfort of your own home, you can get my full expertise and support. Go straight to my sessions page to learn how my signature process: Open to Receiving could change your relationship with your body, your engagement with your life and your connection to yourself. Book your free private discussion now and let’s move you out of contraction to comfort and pleasure.