To the woman who keeps trying to be someone she is not.
There’s something you are doing inherently wrong in sex and life. You are trying to be someone that you are not.
You are treating everything like a performance.
It’s not entirely your fault. But let’s not play the blame game. Let’s just get to why you need to shed the constant inclination to project yourself a certain way. Look a certain way. Say certain things and act in a contained manner.
The key word here is constant.
Aren’t you exhausted?
Aren’t you tired of evading who you really are?
Have you noticed that it is separating you from what actually feels good?
You are thriving on pressure – internal and external – to get you to a magical point that doesn’t exist. There is no when I get to here, then I will be happy/loved/enough.
It’s bad for your sex life and your sexuality because it’s a breeding ground for inauthenticity. You’re wearing a mask but it doesn’t fit you correctly. Because that mask is not tailor made for you.
So. Is the pressure from you or is it from someone else?
If it’s from someone else, are they worth all of this effort?
If it’s from within you, I can tell you that you aren’t worth it.
You are worth so much more.
The longer all of this goes on, the dimmer your light becomes.
The longer all of this charade goes on, the less arousal you are going to feel. The longer this goes on, the less likely you are going to meet the truly sexual woman that you are.
You are not a constant. But you are constantly in a state of flux. And that’s cool. It makes you interesting. It makes you dynamic. It makes you magnetic.
I’m calling it right here, right now.
Pressure is out. Being phoney is done.
Faking pleasure isn’t hot. It’s ice cold.
Grounded is the new coy. Unapologetic is the new sassy.
Real is the new sexy.
P.S. If you are on a search for what is real, I have several offerings to help you to shed the shit to get to the gold. 1.1 sessions are the most potent way to get to the heart of your sexual concerns and how to navigate your authentic identity amongst all the noise. Read more about my packages here.
If groups are more your style, we have Conversations coming up on Monday 29th May - it doesn't get any realer than this! It's a space for women to discuss what happens in real world sex and I speak to the remedies that soothe and actually work to lighten the pressure and increase the pleasure. You should come: read more here.