She sits before me saying that her intention for sex coaching is to feel confident.
She picks up pretty quickly that all of what she’s sharing with me isn’t just about her sex life. She’s done a truly excellent job of holding it together and getting by in other facets of her life. Very few people that she’s close to have noticed that the cracks are starting to form. She is widely known as the woman that keeps it all together.
From the outside, she looks confident. She’s very possibly perfectly coiffed and has a job where she is competent.
Yet when it comes to the bedroom, she folds.
Navigating her own sexuality is so far from her area of expertise that she has just moved into avoiding it all together...
It’s no secret that millions of women avoid sex. Sometimes we avoid it when we don’t feel safe; sometimes we avoid it when we know there is nothing in it for us.
What we don’t talk about is how we avoid sex when we don’t feel confident. This point becomes even more perplexing when we don’t feel confident enough to be sexual with the one that we love.
Women are honestly puzzled. The equation of I love him/her therefore I should want to have sex with him doesn’t add up. And forcing it to equal sexual harmony is putting more pressure on her already dwindling confidence.
You’ve probably worked out by now that confidence isn’t just one big blanket we can throw over sex after we have learnt a few tips from Cosmo. It runs so much deeper than that.
Women confide in me about what they really don’t get when it comes to sex and womanhood. In short, women don’t feel confident:
+talking about sex
+what their anatomy is called and how it functions
+what their body looks like (emphasis on what it looks like to them)
+acts of sex where she feels vulnerable or exposed
+self-pleasure and seeing their bodies as erotic
+being seen in orgasm
If any of these resonate, there is so much I want to say to you.
But in the essence of time, here are the ways that you become a confident woman (of this, I am confident).
The twist is that they surround your sex life. Get on top of these and you will start proving to yourself what you are capable of changing in your sex life. You need to feel empowered in these areas to feel confident. Full stop.
You need to::
>>start accepting compliments without shirking them off. It’s offensive to you and the person giving them.
>>start using the word I instead of the word you when you are referring to yourself. Own your identity. Don’t put it into a collective melting pot.
>>start being interested in your sexuality. It requires you to be curious about it so you can learn more THEN when you are open, you can learn new skills.
>>start smiling with your whole mouth. Your mouth and jaw are energetically connected to your pussy. Your radiance will outshine your appearance or self-perceived flaws.
>>start being active rather than passive. I love the fact that if you did one thing every day that contributed to your passion or something that you wanted to improve, in a year you would have done 365 things to move towards that goal. In 5 years, you would have done 1,825 things.
>>start looking at your body in the mirror daily with an emphasis on its potential rather than its deficits.
So I want to ask :: What are you already confident with in your own life?
Think really long and hard about what got you to the point of feeling confident. How much time, energy, effort, perseverance and a sprinkling of natural talent combined gave you the outcome of feeling like a maestra? (think maestro but a full throttle female version).
Your sexuality and sex life really is no different. Yes it’s a natural entity. But it is one that responds well to the application of skill. But we need to come back to skills and do them again and again and again.
And above all, you have to be light-hearted about it. Getting confident about sex isn’t like peering into a treasure map with a magnifying glass. It’s about shrugging your shoulders with a smile and saying, ‘let’s give this a go’. When it gets serious, calculated and time-pressured, it loses its incentive. And when sex loses its incentive, the desire for it plummets. Those of you that have had sex to conceive might be nodding your heads right now.
There is SO much more that I couldn’t fit into this piece…I mean, we haven’t even started talking about sex itself yet!
If you want to dive deeper, it’s time to take my FREE 5 day Confidence Challenge! It’s starting Monday July 10th and you will get daily emails filled with juicy confidence nuggets of wisdom and you can join a private pop-up Facebook group where I will host daily Facebook Live’s!! That means that you’ll have questions and I will be there to answer them. Over 5 days we will cover:
+Understanding and refining the blocks to feeling confident about sex
+Discovering your big capacity to speak up
+Reducing the temptation to keep people pleasing
+Swapping anxiety for feeling certain and clear
+Where your sexuality is hiding and how you can help it to come out
Say yes today by signing up at www.laurenwhite.com.au/confidence-challenge
If you haven't met me yet :: Hi, I'm Lauren - a qualified Sexologist that works exclusively with women to help them source their libido for sex and life. I started work as a Sexologist in 2012 to provide a safe space for women to shed the beliefs, mindsets and lack of confidence that were holding them back from the sex life that they were truly worthy of. I love practicing and sharing pearls around what makes female sexuality so sacred, giving, luscious and ecstatic (and sometimes weird and contradictory!). Women choose me because they feel safe and see very quickly that I get it. They learn about the connection between their minds and their bodies so that they can be more present during sex rather than looking outside for something magical to do it for them.