Vanilla is my favourite flavour. I know, I know. I've studied sex and I work in sex so I'm meant to be interested in all different things right? Kinky things. Alternative things. I'm meant to be going over the edge into kink and Tantra; be the go-to when it comes to sex toy reviews and know of all of the sex parties you must attend. So, here's where things get really edgy. This is a public declaration that as a Sexologist, vanilla is my favourite flavour of sex.
It is time for more women to have sex like a man. There’s a caveat on this though. This is about having sex like a man that is completely in his mature masculine. This man is clear, grounded, present, powerful, a conscious communicator and above all, he is comfortable in absorbing energy and touch. He is penetrative in many respects but doesn’t push. He takes but he doesn’t violate.
You do, do, do in your life and struggle to feel – so you keep doing. Sex may be a chore or you just don’t get it. You know how you don’t want to feel but you feel this gap between the now and how you do want to feel. You say you are nervous and don’t know what to expect from sex coaching but you are at least comfortable enough to speak up during sessions and to unpeel some of the layers.
Thirty-three. Three and three. This is my list of three life lessons you must follow and three big pearls about sex I have learnt in the last (you guessed it!) 33 years. I quickly deemed a list of 33 just way too long. And too much pressure. And I couldn’t be bothered because I need to get onto buying a cheesecake. Priorities.
Without trusted guidance, sexual arousal or conversely, numbness, can be difficult to navigate in a real life sexual situation, whether alone or with others. The beauty of tantric bodywork is that the knowledge that is accessed is all within you; shifting the dynamic from having a sexual experience where something is done to you to sourcing your unique sexual philosophy for yourself with your coach onside. This fosters independence rather than dependence so that you are equipped to draw on what you learnt during your sessions for years to come.
At age 19, I was told - you need more scandal in your life; words that resonate even today as I grapple with the ability to be everything that is true to me whilst accessing that component of my being that wants to go against the grain. It is the quintessential good girl vying to grasp for that which disregards everything that a good girl should embody…
The sacral chakra is the second energy centre of our body that is represented by our sex glands, bladder, pelvis and lower abdomen. Although no one chakra is superior to another, this is a powerful centre that governs how we respond to and act towards sexuality, relationships, creativity, sensuality and even power.
Not knowing how to approach sex from the beginning of the sexual pain problem leads some down a path of aversion – If something that was pleasurable now causes pain, I just won’t do it anymore…This is logical reasoning on a part of the individual but what a loss to miss out on sexual contact and connection because of a condition that can be helped by select professionals.
The real answer is that clients are real people that are ready to reflect back on where their sexuality has taken them and how they can access it in other ways and on deeper levels. They present to sex coaching knowing that it is possible to feel more of their sexuality but are unsure of the means to get there.