Sexual Desire

Help! I want to get our old sex life back!

Help! I want to get our old sex life back!

Wanting it BACK and getting it BACK can give you a little bit of mojo to re-prioritise your sex life when it’s been quiet. Positive sexual memories are so important when we’re lost at sea but you aren’t actually going that way… The following is my two-prong approach to instilling hope and life into your next sexual chapter.

Bored with your sex life? What to do when sex isn’t fun anymore

Bored with your sex life? What to do when sex isn’t fun anymore

You’ve got to source the treasure to get to the pleasure…

You can't have a desert in your relationship and expect the bedroom to be in full bloom (well, unless the whole desert thing turns you on.)

So, if familiarity and boredom are the status quo in your relationship then it's time for a shake up. So here it is: a pleasure map containing 10 big tips to source or re-source the treasure in your relationship.

COUPLES: 5 ways to get into sex and intimacy on holidays

COUPLES: 5 ways to get into sex and intimacy on holidays

Your holiday is booked. You are so ready for the relaxation part but then you get tense thinking about all that time alone with your partner. You know they are going to want to have sex, maybe more often than usual because you are obligation free. Crap. What excuses can you use not to? What new ways can you avoid them? Well, rather than shutdown, I reckon you've got it in you to OPEN up. Here are 5 ways you can do that to make for some good quality holiday sex...

The little known desire killer for couples

The little known desire killer for couples

Today’s topic is a not so well known desire killer for couples. When a woman starts speaking to me about her sex life or lack of sex life and what could be getting in the way, this one stands out pretty early on because its known to squash desire. Squash attraction and squash interest in sex. When it comes up, it’s really obvious...

FROM THE SEXOLOGISTS DESK: I am the desire huntress

FROM THE SEXOLOGISTS DESK: I am the desire huntress

So, now I am willing to share my core learning. Deep-breath-IN. The nugget that took five plus years to reveal itself to me. The reason why my sexuality evolved from being stuck, turning away from sex, being passive, stopping sex and denying pleasure TO asking for pleasure, being sexually satisfied, attuned to my body’s sensations and ultimately a sex goddess...

FEMALE SEXUALITY: Sex in your 20’s

FEMALE SEXUALITY: Sex in your 20’s

I am seeing an increasing number of women in my practice who are in their 20’s. I would love to share with you what brings them to Sexosophy and what it is they are looking for because I want to normalise these experiences. There is no script for how sex in your 20’s should play out and this can be the trap. When women hit a roadblock with their sexuality, they think that something is wrong...

COUPLES: The Slow Burn

COUPLES: The Slow Burn

Good satisfying sex can come later and it is refreshing putting in effort towards something that you are not reminiscing about and does not leave you pining for the past. When these pairings go from sound strength to quiet strength and are adaptable, there is deeper pleasure and authentic satisfaction, of this I am sure.

LIBIDO: The holistic cure to low libido

LIBIDO: The holistic cure to low libido

You multitask and juggle to no end, feel strung out and low on energy and zeal for life. Everything in your life has become classified as top priority or urgent, leaving you stretched and exhausted. There are a few names for this state – burnout, breakdown or adrenal fatigue. Whichever terms seems to suit you best, one thing is for sure – your libido may be feeling the wrath. Let’s explore a little more…

DEPRESSION: When your sexuality is hijacked by the black dog

DEPRESSION: When your sexuality is hijacked by the black dog

Depression. We’ve all known it, either personally or through the experiences of someone we know. Its blanket of haze operates differently within different people. In some, it causes a form of agitation and hyperarousal with poor sleep and low appetite and in others, it slows everything down to the point of numbness where excessive eating and sleeping become a state of being.

COUPLES: We have different levels of sexual desire!

COUPLES: We have different levels of sexual desire!

Sex in a long-term relationship is no easy feat and there are so few role models for us to feel inspired by and we know there are no perfect sexual relationships. We make jokes about how he wants it in the morning and she wants it at night or how she wants it when she feels close but he wants it to feel close (and visa versa).

FOREPLAY: What constitutes it?

Maybe in our world of fast = better, our sex life has come to take on the same characteristics and we aren’t tenderly and patiently building up some of that orgasmic energy that leads to more satisfying release and connectedness.

SEXUAL DESIRE: Why is it so hard?

So, what is the answer to this age-old question? My guess is that there are a number of factors that are making sex less than enticing and whilst sex can be a great stress reliever, it can be challenging to go from daily stress up at 100 to sex at 0 without any cushioning to help us get there.

SEXUAL DESIRE: The right time for sex

As my friend's T-shirt says, 'Night time is the right time' but is it for everybody? Why is it that some of us like the morning, some the afternoons and some are strict on sex at night? An educated guess... would say that our hormones play a role (testosterone peaks in the AM for a man), what our stress levels are like (i.e. LOW during the Sunday afternoon delight) and how we feel about sex, light and ambiance (a la lights off at night).

COUPLES: We keep fighting about sex!

We now know that conflict about sex in marriages and long-term relationships can be so powerful that it drives couples apart and to divorce. When we scratch under the surface, we can see that people say that sex isn’t that important to them until they realise that they aren’t having any…for a LONG time.

ORGASM: The role of oxytocin in sex

The more you look at oxytocin, the more amazing it appears. Beyond its role in uterine contractions and maternal bonding with baby, it is seen to be vital to human adaptive responses in the formation of monogamous pair-bonds, sexual arousal and orgasm, peer to peer social interaction, social memory, trust and anxiety reduction.

SEXUAL DESIRE: When worthlessness prevents pleasure

SEXUAL DESIRE: When worthlessness prevents pleasure

Worthlessness is an all-encompassing feeling when it arises and is defined by a degraded opinion of the self…It is closely intertwined with low self-esteem, depression, anxiety and shame – concepts and states of being that can cloud who we are and what we are passionate about.

COUPLES: How enmeshment stops sex

COUPLES: How enmeshment stops sex

The mystery of why close and connected couples rarely have sex is no longer a mystery. It would be lovely if getting on well meant getting off but this does not always transpire. We often believe that the intimacy of early days when we couldn’t meld anymore than we did was meant to carry on through the rest of the relationship…right?