There is some truly excellent news about sexual frustration that you must know. The best news about sexual frustration is that you are alive and that you have a libido. Your frustration means you care enough about your sexual feelings that this feeling of being separated from your mojo actually causes pain. Frustration is the tension that informs you that you are not using your power to its full capacity.
You multitask and juggle to no end, feel strung out and low on energy and zeal for life. Everything in your life has become classified as top priority or urgent, leaving you stretched and exhausted. There are a few names for this state – burnout, breakdown or adrenal fatigue. Whichever terms seems to suit you best, one thing is for sure – your libido may be feeling the wrath. Let’s explore a little more…
Maybe in our world of fast = better, our sex life has come to take on the same characteristics and we aren’t tenderly and patiently building up some of that orgasmic energy that leads to more satisfying release and connectedness.
Sexual numbness or numbness with sex has a pretty tight bond with low sexual desire and low sexual arousal, which makes perfect sense. If we don’t feel sex physically, emotionally or spiritually then we aren’t going to crave that experience again anytime soon.
I see alcohol as being full of false promise and creating inauthentic sex, like temporary glue between people that is quick to unstick. There are times when we turn to sex for closeness and alcohol creates a shallow version of this. We are under the influence with an external substance when our bodies are capable of creating all the good feelings of sex.
As my friend's T-shirt says, 'Night time is the right time' but is it for everybody? Why is it that some of us like the morning, some the afternoons and some are strict on sex at night? An educated guess... would say that our hormones play a role (testosterone peaks in the AM for a man), what our stress levels are like (i.e. LOW during the Sunday afternoon delight) and how we feel about sex, light and ambiance (a la lights off at night).
The more you look at oxytocin, the more amazing it appears. Beyond its role in uterine contractions and maternal bonding with baby, it is seen to be vital to human adaptive responses in the formation of monogamous pair-bonds, sexual arousal and orgasm, peer to peer social interaction, social memory, trust and anxiety reduction.
When the sexual body doesn’t seem to follow what the heart and mind want, it feels as though there is something wrong and we have a sexual problem on our hands that feels unsolvable. We try, we persist and we make attempts to physically get into sex but something is amiss and the answer is: arousal.
The mystery of why close and connected couples rarely have sex is no longer a mystery. It would be lovely if getting on well meant getting off but this does not always transpire. We often believe that the intimacy of early days when we couldn’t meld anymore than we did was meant to carry on through the rest of the relationship…right?