Think of all the things about sex you don't like. I know it's hard but you've got to go through the low light reel and list them out.
Does your list of sex and intimacy problems sound something like this :
+it irritates me when I am touched/groped/grabbed and I am doing something completely non-sexual
+it annoys me when sex is initiated with certain words
+I feel tight and in pain with penetration most of the time
+I am really quiet in sex and completely in my head
+I feel used in some of the sexual positions and in some of the acts of sex
+I feel pressured to be something/someone that I am not during sex
+I don't have a libido and I am never interested so I don't initiate
Now that it's out there, it's time for the twist.
The opposite of what you are experiencing is usually what you want.
This might sound obvious but until you explore what it is you DON'T like about sex can you really truly answer what you DO want in your sex life. One informs the other. It's a little sex hack I use with clients when it isn't clear what needs to stop and what needs a green light. All you need to do is think bout the opposite. Just don't stay in the zone of the things you don't like about sex because that will keep you separated from your pleasure.
This is exciting! You already have the antidote.
If this rings true but you need some space to shed the shit and hone in on where your yes is, coaching sessions are available now.