Women mumble the words 'Sex feels like a chore' to me on a weekly basis. No, I don't think this is a bad thing, it's more a case of untapped potential in your sex life. I'm going to offer you some real world solutions to getting out of feeling like sex is a chore to bringing in the satisfaction and coming back to the point of sex: pleasure.
Touch is the external expression of a feeling or a desire to create a feeling. And as the receiver, we know that touch is loaded with a feeling and an intention. We know when it is creepy, when it is invasive and when it is healing and nurturing.
Either way, when you touch someone, there is an agreement. All too often, it is a silent agreement and it is usually when the touch is finished that the dissatisfaction is spoken to. It does not have to play out this way.
To get some clarity on touch, here are three different touch styles that you can bring into your sex life tonight...
You both know that it's been a while. A long while. The absence of sex looms in the space between you on the couch, milling in the kitchen, brushing your teeth in the bathroom and most obviously in the bed you share. You can't recall the last time you had sex and if you do, it was a drunken tryst - an anomaly in the pattern of your predictability as a twosome.
As a sexologist, woman and mother – I hear a lot about how men and women see touch, affection, intimacy and sex quite differently. More often than not, women know the differences all too well and the reason they are coming to see me for sexuality coaching is because they want to know how to manage their concerns. This is the part that isn’t so obvious, especially when it is your relationship that you are trying to examine.
Why you don’t need to tap into gratitude all the time. Here’s my issue with gratitude...I’m noticing that women are using gratitude as a cover-up. A cover-up to their genuine feelings which may be perceived to be negative or painful. Gratitude has moved into a type of deflection. But when we don’t acknowledge what we are feeling in the present moment, I don’t believe we ever truly process it. Hear how I use my own medicine as a sexologist to clear shit before pleasure.
Thirty-three. Three and three. This is my list of three life lessons you must follow and three big pearls about sex I have learnt in the last (you guessed it!) 33 years. I quickly deemed a list of 33 just way too long. And too much pressure. And I couldn’t be bothered because I need to get onto buying a cheesecake. Priorities.
You want to see that part of you that whispers sex goddess, that part of your personality that says magnetic and that smile that tells people you know exactly what you want…But there can be a barrier to accessing this part of you. She can be hard to coax out without preparation; when she is unfamiliar to you or you haven’t seen her in a while (or ever).
We all love the notion of a quick fix; that reading an article will emancipate us from our sexual woes, hang-ups and boredom. Being a sexologist doesn’t absolve you from this tendency as I too secretly scan articles online after being lured in by the flashy title. But feel into these little nuggets below and begin your own personal makeover by turning a passive read into active sexual energy.
Whether it be a look, a touch, a kiss or words; when we are in a committed relationship, we often get to know the hidden (or not so hidden) meaning behind our others actions. Because each of our sex senses is tuned into different channels, there is both room to get things very, very right with our partner or to be very, very off the mark...
When things get quiet within our bodies and our motivation for sex declines, it is easy to dismiss the cause off to one of the following common libido myths. Yet for every argument, there is a counter-argument and it is time to challenge the default setting of your libido. Trust me, it will thank you for it!
Do you need intimacy before sex or does sex create intimacy? There is no right answer but sometimes I hear women saying that they want more intimacy when they really mean more passion (romantic feelings, physical attraction and sexual desire). There isn’t a formula for creating intimacy but there are some useful suggestions and guidance available.
The clitoris is an internal and external pleasure trove! Misunderstood for centuries and even ignored, we now know more about the clitoris than ever before so I wanted to take this opportunity to review what sexologists have learnt thus far and why it is so important when it comes to desire, arousal and expression of female sexuality.
Maybe in our world of fast = better, our sex life has come to take on the same characteristics and we aren’t tenderly and patiently building up some of that orgasmic energy that leads to more satisfying release and connectedness.