Female Sexuality

Interview with Lauren: High achievers, anxiety, orgasm and money

Interview with Lauren: High achievers, anxiety, orgasm and money

Sex and relationship coach Haley Helveston recently interviewed me on Instagram live and we talked all things permission, being a high achiever, feeling anxious, Permission, pressure, orgasm and money! That’s a lot for just 30 mins! Have a read and pick out the pearls - I spoke them just for you…

Permission to not orgasm : Why we need to take the pressure off orgasm

Permission to not orgasm : Why we need to take the pressure off orgasm

Sex = orgasm, right?

Wrong! Sex = connection, intimacy, pleasure, joy, arousal, tranquility and MORE. Orgasm is one part of sex but it’s not the whole thing. Are you ready? You are about to receive the medicine your libido needs and it is: permission to not orgasm.

Permission to feel angry : Why you need to stop suppressing what you really feel

Permission to feel angry : Why you need to stop suppressing what you really feel

Women aren’t meant to get angry. That’s an emotion for men. Sure, we can feel a little frustrated or edgy but anger? No. Way.

Your anger is valid and you have permission to not only feel it but express it. Find out what could be triggering off anger when it comes to sex and intimacy and how you can get it out of you.

Permission to open : Why do I shutdown in sex?

Permission to open : Why do I shutdown in sex?

You’ve shutdown in and about sex more times than you can remember. There may have been a pivotal moment you’ll never forget or maybe it was this gradual disconnection that happened over time. Each factor compounding the last. Whatever the origin, I want to give you permission to open and move out of sexual shutdown…

Female Libido: Is there a pill I can take for my low libido?

Female Libido: Is there a pill I can take for my low libido?

I get asked this on a regular basis - surely by now there is some sort of pill a woman can take when she feels her libido could be more. In this video, I explain why I am glad there isn't a pill for the female libido and what else you can do to enhance presence and arousal. Refreshingly, your body already has all the answers...

What do you do if you are not sexually satisfied? (rather than pretend you don’t care)

What do you do if you are not sexually satisfied? (rather than pretend you don’t care)

Ahhh satisfaction - that sweet end point where we hunger no more.

But how do we know when we feel it? How do we know when we have arrived? 

Only you can answer that one so if you are feeling like frustration is ruling your bedroom and satisfaction is nowhere to be seen, read this one to make sure you aren't accidentally overlooking your sexual satisfaction (it could well be right in front of you!)

Low sex drive in women: why you have lost interest in sex (and what to do about it)

Low sex drive in women: why you have lost interest in sex (and what to do about it)

The only way you can even think to describe your sex drive is that it is low or non-existent. The only way you can even begin to describe your interest in sex is that there isn't any. But you love your partner (if you have one) and you really want to say goodbye to these persistent blocks that prevent you from feeling intimate and into IT. Deep breath, this is a deep journey into your sex drive and interest in sex. Read it all and feel yourself already walking away from inhibition and being checked-out of your own personal life.

FEELINGS: Increasing your self worth by day to increase it by night

FEELINGS: Increasing your self worth by day to increase it by night

Self-worth and sex. They are inextricable. The benefit of having solid self-worth is that we start to understand the points in our lives where we are holding ourselves back from not only what we want to call in now but what we want to call in for the future as well. I really want to ask you today, is your life and sex life on a loop because your low self-worth isn’t igniting you to take any action?

CONFIDENCE: 3 simple ways to start having sex with the lights on

CONFIDENCE: 3 simple ways to start having sex with the lights on

If you are having sex every time with the lights off then it means that anxiety is running the show for your sex life  (nooooooo!). It means that you are missing out on valuable connection with your partner that rarely happens outside of those precious moments where you are pleasing each other, bonding and connecting. Here is my 3 step process to start having sex with the lights on.

How to work out what you like in sex

How to work out what you like in sex

Working out what you do and don't like in sex is tricky because it's very easy to get really stuck in your own sexual experience. Everything starts to blur a little bit. Until you have a tool to really clarify what you do and don't like in sex or what might be a future possibility, it's easier to just feel really deflated, frustrated and feel like there's a lot that you don't like and not very much that you do like. (Which isn’t the truth, I hope!) So without further adieu, here is my favourite tool to work out what you do and don’t like in sex...

Why your anxiety and apprehension about sex is normal

Why your anxiety and apprehension about sex is normal

I want to talk to you today about anxiety in sex. And apprehension. And all the fear and jumbled, heavy, dense emotions that swell through sex for women. I did a post recently that said anxiety doesn’t want you to be sexual and I thought that I could expand upon it today because it is the reason why women come to me for coaching. It is this experience of being blocked, shutting down, numb and completely lacking libido. So much of that can be traced back to the fact that they feel anxious about sex.

Confidence Series #3: How to let your wild woman out (without booze or drugs)

Confidence Series #3: How to let your wild woman out (without booze or drugs)

The more you know your truest self and all your light and shadow and shame and sexuality and all that you are, the less you need to escape from yourself. The more you know how to let the wild part of you out, the less you need to rely on a substance to do it for you.

This is about all the ways you can unleash your wild woman - simply and drug and alcohol free. 

Confidence Series #2 : The reasons why I shouldn't feel confident (but do anyway)

Confidence Series #2 : The reasons why I shouldn't feel confident (but do anyway)

I’m the confident woman that has had her confidence shaken in so many realms of my life. As I have dived deeper into personal work (and trust me, sexuality work is the deepest work you can do so I have been living in a kind of deep end for years) I find that the need to clear crap from my body and psyche can be done quickly and rather painlessly. Clearing through the throat and speaking up is really effective for me and occasionally I like to do this publicly to feel truly released...

Confidence Series #1 : Confidence in the bedroom starts outside of it.

Confidence Series #1 : Confidence in the bedroom starts outside of it.

It’s no secret that millions of women avoid sex. Sometimes we avoid it when we don’t feel safe; sometimes we avoid it when we know there is nothing in it for us.

What we don’t talk about is how we avoid sex when we don’t feel confident. This point becomes even more perplexing when we don’t feel confident enough to be sexual with the one that we love.

Women are honestly puzzled. The equation of I love him/her therefore I should want to have sex with him doesn’t add up. And forcing it to equal sexual harmony is putting more pressure on her already dwindling confidence.

 

How to make sex easy when it feels like a chore

How to make sex easy when it feels like a chore

Women mumble the words 'Sex feels like a chore' to me on a weekly basis. No, I don't think this is a bad thing, it's more a case of untapped potential in your sex life. I'm going to offer you some real world solutions to getting out of feeling like sex is a chore to bringing in the satisfaction and coming back to the point of sex: pleasure.

SELF-PLEASURE: Empowerment and rebellion

SELF-PLEASURE: Empowerment and rebellion

When you think of an act of rebellion, you probably don't think of self-pleasure (formally known as masturbation). But it was and still is because the power women express when they are solely responsible for their own pleasure threatens millions. Relying on yourself for arousal and pleasure is empowering and there are so many bonuses because it strips away so much stress that can come into partner sex. In short, get into it (or...get onto yourself?)

REAL is the new SEXY

REAL is the new SEXY

It's 2017. 99.9% of porn is boring, fake and downright degrading. 

You - you are real and I want you to know that. I'm addressing you - the woman who keeps trying to be someone that she is not. I'm telling you right now that pressure will extinguish your flame and keep your true sexual nature far, far away. 

When vibrators, lingerie and dress ups don’t work: A client's story.

When vibrators, lingerie and dress ups don’t work: A client's story.

They are easy to get, affordable and fun. They make it all seem so simple – that when this product is used in sex then my hang-ups will magically dissolve. Yet so much of it doesn’t even scratch the surface of truly helping women and the stunning web that is female sexuality.

This blog is about Elly* and here I share her story about what does work when sex toys, lingerie, porn and courses don't. 

The 3 RULES of sex you must break.

The 3 RULES of sex you must break.

Fact: The rules of sex that govern your intimate life are actively feeding the blocks that you have about sex.

The best news is that sex doesn’t have any rules. The only foundation that everyone must have is that it is safe and consensual between two adults. Beyond that there's freedom. There’s liberation. There’s choice.

Learn the 3 biggest rules of sex you have to break to get to the pleasure.

Vanilla is my favourite flavour. An anti-Tantra manifesto.

Vanilla is my favourite flavour. An anti-Tantra manifesto.

Vanilla is my favourite flavour. I know, I know. I've studied sex and I work in sex so I'm meant to be interested in all different things right? Kinky things. Alternative things. I'm meant to be going over the edge into kink and Tantra; be the go-to when it comes to sex toy reviews and know of all of the sex parties you must attend. So, here's where things get really edgy. This is a public declaration that as a Sexologist, vanilla is my favourite flavour of sex.