You’ve shutdown in and about sex more times than you can remember. There may have been a pivotal moment you’ll never forget or maybe it was this gradual disconnection that happened over time. Each factor compounding the last. Whatever the origin, I want to give you permission to open and move out of sexual shutdown…
The tears might still be fresh in your eyes from your separation…you might be wondering how you are ever going to feel open to the next relationship…you wonder if you’ll ever have sex again (or feel like sex again based on how it all went last time!) But, things will change, shift and evolve and this article has been written to walk you through the process my clients have been through when they are in the limbo of separation and considering dating again…
Wanting it BACK and getting it BACK can give you a little bit of mojo to re-prioritise your sex life when it’s been quiet. Positive sexual memories are so important when we’re lost at sea but you aren’t actually going that way… The following is my two-prong approach to instilling hope and life into your next sexual chapter.
You’ve got to source the treasure to get to the pleasure…
You can't have a desert in your relationship and expect the bedroom to be in full bloom (well, unless the whole desert thing turns you on.)
So, if familiarity and boredom are the status quo in your relationship then it's time for a shake up. So here it is: a pleasure map containing 10 big tips to source or re-source the treasure in your relationship.
Busy, flustered, run down and overwhelmed are the name of the modern-day game. But all of these states spell something seriously toxic for your beautiful libido.
This blog needs to come with a warning for it’s exceptionally high level of truth talk where I kindly inform you that you aren’t actually busy (but you are choosing to be) and how you can create space for intimacy all by unearthing a few old time blocks.
There is a gap that exists between anxiety and confidence. A leap even.
It isn’t too hard to close this gap, you’ve just got to believe that anxiety isn’t your permanent state and that everything you need to become the sexual woman is inside of you. Seriously. Anxiety wants to tell you that this is how it is only, it doesn’t always tell the truth. Let’s reduce your anxiety so that you can come into confidence with the following 5 tips.
They have a HIGH libido and I have none.
Words I have heard a bazillion times but simply aren’t true. Can you hear me? They aren’t true! This one is for both of you: how you can feel your libido when you are out of touch with it and how your partner with the “higher” libido can meet you in more ways than sexually. This is an important read.
Hands up who has done a long-distance relationship?
I have and it was…testing. I didn’t know then what I know now but if I did, maybe those earlier years would have been a little more connecting. The following is my best-of when it comes to advice for getting back into intimacy for those in a relationship with a partner who does fly-in-fly-out or goes on deployment. I know it isn’t easy but hopefully some of this settles the bumps and awkwardness that happens when you reunite after a big period of enforced separation.
Long-term relationships are riddled with sexual disinterest. But why?
Shouldn’t things get better as our love grows deeper? One of the biggest conundrums my clients have is getting their heads and bodies around the fact that you can feel safe and in love but not want to have sex. If this is you, read on to get some insights into what could be going on and what you can shift to get the interest flowing again.
Oh missionary. It works but, let’s be honest.
It is kind of in the realm of been-there-done-that.
Just because you feel shy, awkward or inhibited in sex, doesn’t mean that you need to stick to the one bland flavour of sexual intercourse. Deep breath, here are 5 alternative sexual positions that will help you to feel comfortable as you open up to intimacy.
Your holiday is booked. You are so ready for the relaxation part but then you get tense thinking about all that time alone with your partner. You know they are going to want to have sex, maybe more often than usual because you are obligation free. Crap. What excuses can you use not to? What new ways can you avoid them? Well, rather than shutdown, I reckon you've got it in you to OPEN up. Here are 5 ways you can do that to make for some good quality holiday sex...
The only way you can even think to describe your sex drive is that it is low or non-existent. The only way you can even begin to describe your interest in sex is that there isn't any. But you love your partner (if you have one) and you really want to say goodbye to these persistent blocks that prevent you from feeling intimate and into IT. Deep breath, this is a deep journey into your sex drive and interest in sex. Read it all and feel yourself already walking away from inhibition and being checked-out of your own personal life.
When women come and see me in sessions, I am very aware of the fact that (if she is in a relationship) that I am also, in some ways, seeing her partner in sessions as well…without actually seeing him. We women have created some habits that we need your support to shift. There's so much we want men to know about us but we get stuck with how to tell you. So today, I am playing translator to let men know how they can support their female partner when it feels like she is checking out of their sex life.
There isn't a sex rulebook out there telling you what to like and feel and do but if you’re feeling like you don’t really get sex and what is expected – there may be some silent rules floating around that you are following blindly (but you don't have to). The rules are there are no rules when it comes to sex between two adults saying yes so try some of these on for a moment to see if these are some rules you need to break (because sweet freedom is lying on the other side).
Being in a long-term relationship doesn't have to spell sexual boredom in fact being with someone long term often presented with more changes than we ever expected and our sex life isn't protected from these changes. In fact, we need to embrace them. Just as you evolve within your identity on a personal level, so too will your libido.Here's my best sex advice for couples wanting to shake things up when sexual boredom has taken hold. (Hint: it’s more about mindset than what you actually DO).
I’ve been with my husband a loooooong time. It’ll be our 10-year wedding anniversary this year. But time alone hasn’t absolved me from the discomfort of giving feedback in sex. It’s a learned behaviour that has been slowly integrated over time. My confidence to communicate really amplified when I started learning specific talk and consent practices through a certification process I learnt in 2014 (which I share with my 1:1 clients). One night I decided to hand over the mic to my husband Ed to get his perspective on what it is like to get feedback from me in sex. You might find (like me) that your partner doesn’t feel as much rejection as you think or assume...
Today’s topic is a not so well known desire killer for couples. When a woman starts speaking to me about her sex life or lack of sex life and what could be getting in the way, this one stands out pretty early on because its known to squash desire. Squash attraction and squash interest in sex. When it comes up, it’s really obvious...
Women mumble the words 'Sex feels like a chore' to me on a weekly basis. No, I don't think this is a bad thing, it's more a case of untapped potential in your sex life. I'm going to offer you some real world solutions to getting out of feeling like sex is a chore to bringing in the satisfaction and coming back to the point of sex: pleasure.
Touch is the external expression of a feeling or a desire to create a feeling. And as the receiver, we know that touch is loaded with a feeling and an intention. We know when it is creepy, when it is invasive and when it is healing and nurturing.
Either way, when you touch someone, there is an agreement. All too often, it is a silent agreement and it is usually when the touch is finished that the dissatisfaction is spoken to. It does not have to play out this way.
To get some clarity on touch, here are three different touch styles that you can bring into your sex life tonight...
Fact: The rules of sex that govern your intimate life are actively feeding the blocks that you have about sex.
The best news is that sex doesn’t have any rules. The only foundation that everyone must have is that it is safe and consensual between two adults. Beyond that there's freedom. There’s liberation. There’s choice.
Learn the 3 biggest rules of sex you have to break to get to the pleasure.