There are a few times in life where your body changes and you just have to go with it. One such time is pregnancy – there is only so much that you can control per se as when you tend to defy your body’s messages and requests, you are often left with another inconvenience shortly after.
Now that we know more about pregnancy and that some of the old wives tales have been laid to rest (whilst some still persist), it is liberating to know that sex and sexual expression in pregnancy is advocated for the majority of pregnant women. So rather than look at the contraindications or barriers to sex during pregnancy, I would love to take this opportunity to celebrate the liberation that sex can bring during the time of burgeoning fertility.
Firstly, sexual expression moves your body into positions that your body might have neglected for a while. The movement and undulation of the hips and pelvis is great to maintain during pregnancy in order to keep our flexibility and openness expansive for the big bang of childbirth. Lying on your back during the third trimester generally isn’t advised and isn’t that comfortable so moving into the more primitive styles of kneeling, squatting and being on all fours can make stimulation a little easier.
Secondly, an orgasm during pregnancy is great for you and bub – they can either be very soothed by the waves throughout the uterus or can kick up a bit of energy and motion! If your uterus feels a little tighter during orgasm, it is because it is stretched further than usual and can take a little more gusto to contract with that subtle Oxytocin release. If orgasm has become elusive to you, never fear. It is not however uncommon to feel challenged to orgasm during pregnancy as our energy and blood flow can be a little different compared to our non-pregnant bodies. I like to take the emphasis off orgasm for my clients (and myself) more often than not because it can detract from the beauty and joy of arousal and orgasmic energy. So if there is no big bang or a diminished bang during pregnancy, don’t let it sour your self-pleasure or playtime. Stay with the other good stuff and connection that did happen rather than focus on what didn’t.
Lastly, what could be more beautiful than being sexual whilst a sexual being is created within you? Even when you aren’t engaging in what is typically thought of as ‘sex’, you can still be sexual! I call this your sex sense and it can be engaged with a variety of different touches, movement, breathwork or anything that heightens your senses in a sensual or loving way. Just caressing your belly with oil whilst keeping a slow steady breath can be nurturing your sexuality. Or doing stretches and letting your imagination go. The sex goddess inside is still there even if everything else feels incompatible with this concept. One thing that is certain is that the less she coaxed out of encouraged, the more likely she is to stay under the guise of pregnancy and beyond. Much of this is about perception and the little one blossoming inside is far happier when mum is happy.
Pregnancy isn’t a time to stop sexual expression but may be a time to change gears. Embracing what is different rather than mourning what might not manifest alone or with a partner has a very different feel. Even if you can only manage small windows of sexual expression during pregnancy, this is far better than nothing at all, especially because libido thrives on a bit of regular attention.