COUPLES: Should you have sex on a schedule?

There is a question that looms amongst the busy sex lives of couples that have conflicting schedules…Should we schedule sex into our diary?

Scheduling. The word alone conjures up ideas of duty, obligation and even pressure. This means that sex can be subconsciously classified as something that has to be done rather that being a way that we choose to be. Its possible polar opposite, spontaneity often gets a little bit of misuse, namely when couples are reminiscing about the early days of the relationship. No doubt sex was spontaneous but think a little bit harder about how much effort you put into yourself and your time together and you may see that sex (or the possibility of sex) was always on the agenda.

So rather than tell you an answer to this contemporary question, it seems far more apt that we look at the pros and cons and try to work out some middle ground that keeps our libido running, our relationship satisfying and human requirement for sexual expression satiated.

Scheduled sex pro: planning can mean anticipation and this in itself can be a long game of foreplay. When we have the chance to fantasise about the sex ahead, it means that arousal has already had time to build. Scheduling sex may be a necessary step to ensure that couples stay connected when they are in a long-distance relationship or have multiple commitments (and kids as well!).

Scheduled sex con: well, is scheduling something as beautifully diverse and organic as sex a turn on? The idea of putting sex in the diary may be a little too clinical for some and can create some anxiety and pressure to perform. This can compound the prescribed nature of sex if specific moves or skills are enacted in a way that is a little too wooden or prepared.

Spontaneous sex pro: primitive, authentic, raw, hot. Having your world change from hard working employee or multi-tasking master to sexual creature in a matter of seconds can help us to temporarily shed identities that might be taxing and stressful. Being able to share in the joy and sudden explosion of sex often leaves couples with a re-affirming oxytocin rush and afterglow that leaves you wanting more…

Spontaneous sex con: your partner is keen as anything but your head isn’t in it, you’ve run out of lubrication, you get interrupted on your way to orgasm, you forgot that you had already committed to something in 15 minutes and then sexual arousal stops. All of a sudden, you realise that spontaneous doesn’t always mean that you are ready for sex. Sigh.

So, this has got you thinking as to what ways will work for you and your partner. Firstly, I’d advise you to think about how you usually respond most openly and eagerly to sex; when it is on the clock or when it sneaks up and grabs you from behind? Perhaps a little combination of both is the signature dish on the menu?

If the notion of scheduled sex versus spontaneous sex is a problem for you and your partner, then get in touch for sex coaching sessions to craft a resolution that is personalised to your lifestyle and relationship. Scheduling a session in might just be what revives your spontaneous sexuality.

Lauren xo