COUPLES: Sexual competition

We all get a little green eyed monster from time to time and it really is no surprise when we examine our environment. We are informed that nearly anything is possible, to follow our dreams and there is a plethora of other motivational material out there. So as we all charge ahead towards our hopes and dreams, we eventually look around and see that everyone else is charging ahead too in a quasi survival of the fittest (best). We compete for jobs, for status, dialogue and prestige but is there a secret sex competition going on as well?

When we talk about sex with our equals at a dinner party, there are typically two ways the conversations often go. In the left corner, we have ‘the ball and chain’ reference and how sex seems like a marathon if he lasts for more than 5 minutes and in the right corner, we have the one-sided version of fertility and virility where it was so easy to conceive and how potent his little swimmers must be. This polarisation of couple sex does little to nourish our existing sex lives so we can become susceptible to accepting the ‘wham bam…’ as normal within our relationship or be left feeling like we are falling behind the status quo if sex and conception is not easy and completely effortless.

So, I am proposing a dialogue that is perhaps somewhere in the middle – for us to be honest about both the beautiful experiences AND some of the disappointments that come our way. We don’t have to lay it all out on the table; more just acknowledge the whole spectrum. If we are only going to share snippets of information about sex with our friends, let’s make it real, schmooze free and skip the rub it in your face stuff. Silent sexual competitions between couples and individuals is a real phenomena that is more inclined to ameliorate rather than motivate accessing real sexuality that fits well for you. Be aware, act curious, ask open questions and watch some of the me vs. you melt away between you and your friends. We all have our own Sexosophy after all so choose connection over separation.

Happy weekend dinner party conversations!

Lauren xo