So many women I see in sex coaching are seeking, no...CRAVING surrender but they are stuck in a pattern of tolerating. Tolerating is when we put up with something and see it through to the end because it serves some ulterior motive or purpose, usually, if I just DO this then this OTHER thing won't happen. There's no love in tolerating and it isn't compromise.
Surrender on the other hand is when you allow someone to touch you in the way they want for their pleasure. It is the fodder of romance novels - which often use the word 'ravished'. Women gobble that shit up when it comes to the written word so why is there a gap when it comes to our real world sex lives? Because surrender is scary when we have never tasted it.
We want to be in control but we don't want to be in control.
We want it but we don't want it.
We want to feel vulnerable but we don't want to feel weak.
It is one of the most confusing parts of long-term relationships because we confuse it for doing something for someone else that we don't want to do. But in true surrender, there is presence, safety, stillness and pleasure. We are giving someone else the gift of access to our body but the twist is that there is an abundance of sensation in it for us as well.
Play with your partner touching you for their own pleasure for just a few minutes with non-sexual touch (like a shoulder massage) and see how you go. See if you can let goooooo....