I mean difficult – what were you thinking?
As one woman recently put it, when sex has an orgasm at the end (i.e. a reward), then why is it still so difficult to get excited about it? True, this is one occasion where Pavlov and his pups can keep on ringing bells and eating because that theory doesn’t help us to understand our sex any better. So, what is the answer to this age-old question? My guess is that there are a number of factors that are making sex less than enticing and whilst sex can be a great stress reliever, it can be challenging to go from daily stress up at 100 to sex at 0 without any cushioning to help us get there. It doesn’t really matter what it is that helps you to change gears (although I don’t advocate for alcohol and drug use – see my earlier post on alcohol), the important thing is that you move through that process from being wired to wild.
Also, have a look around your environment and how is it conducive to sex. Is there stuff everywhere? TV and other electronics (aka libido killers)? Is your space too cold, too noisy or just plain unappealing? What are you talking about before sex and what are you seeing each other do (flossing or toilet time sound familiar)? And what about those PJ’s that are becoming the house uniform?
If we put effort into other facets of our life, we will see a flow on effect to our sexuality. It is part of the whole, not a stand-alone component where we can put a band aid on it and hope it works. Our sex life can be a blurry picture where we can’t see where one thing starts and the other ends and this is so much of what we discuss in sex coaching sessions. If your thoughts about sex are “It’s all too hard”, consider sex coaching sessions so that you can begin to think and feel more positively about the sex that you want and crave.