It’s an excellent question – what types of people attend a sex coaching session? You may be wondering what their history is and what their sexual problems or ‘perversions’ are. Surely there must be something wrong with them?
Well, not quite. The real answer is that clients are real people that are ready to reflect back on where their sexuality has taken them and how they can access it in other ways and on deeper levels. They present to sex coaching knowing that it is possible to feel more of their sexuality but are unsure of the means to get there. Similar to going to a personal trainer or a nutritionist; women often have a gist of what might work but need some help to make things a little easier or a bit more manageable.
Seeing a sex coach also has the added benefit of having copious amounts of information deciphered for you in a way that is relatable and understandable. Books, films and discussions about sex all have their place as a form of sustenance for our sexuality but nothing can replace or substitute the collaborative relationship of a sexuality coach and client. In the safe space of a coaching session, we can gently peel back layers and integrate new information so that you can begin to move forward.
This is the core work of a sex coach – to motivate, facilitate and support their clients to uncover what may be hidden to them. We work to encourage clients to take those steps towards their vulnerability that are so daunting to take alone. What is initially seen as scary by female clients soon becomes exciting. As a sex coach, I witness women who begin to feel the pleasure that has been sitting idly within when everything in their life was saying no to being and feeling sexual.
There is no shame in having sexual concerns or problems. As we grow up, few of us are taught about real and authentic sexuality and what sex can feel like when we understand our own bodies and other people’s bodies. We cannot automatically know how to have sex; we are essentially relying on a mix of words and images that we have been faced with throughout our lives. As we grow and mature, sometimes these messages can be internalised to the point that we begin to live and breathe them instead of our true sexual philosophy - Sexosophy - and intuition.
Our own sexuality is difficult to navigate at times. We can find ourselves stuck in the same patterns and behaviours, which leave us thinking:
That is just the way I am – nothing can be changed…
But when it comes to sexuality, nothing is further from the truth. We are conditioned in so many ways, both positively and negatively. We may have particular cues and triggers that turn us on and facilitate our desire and arousal. Conversely, we can also feel like we have no triggers or cues from arousal because somehow, we have learnt to shut that part of ourselves down. Sexual numbness, low libido, low desire and arousal and difficulty with orgasm are all common concerns because we are in the sexual dark about how to access our needs and desires and how to keep them going.
As unnatural as it may seem, our sexuality requires action, attention and effort because without these, our situation is unlikely to change or improve. If you would like to know what can help shape and support your individual Sexosophy, explore my sessions page.