Ahhh satisfaction - that sweet end point where we hunger no more.
But how do we know when we feel it? How do we know when we have arrived?
Only you can answer that one so if you are feeling like frustration is ruling your bedroom and satisfaction is nowhere to be seen, read this one to make sure you aren't accidentally overlooking your sexual satisfaction (it could well be right in front of you!)
Both experiencing and anticipating pain can strip the possibility of sexual pleasure away quicker than anything else. I have come to learn so much about sexual pain and pain with sex through my clients and professional colleagues that I put together this post to let you know that you are not alone. Many of us are working tirelessly to help you feel your own version of what it is to be a woman. You are heard and we are here to help. This, is for you...
Your holiday is booked. You are so ready for the relaxation part but then you get tense thinking about all that time alone with your partner. You know they are going to want to have sex, maybe more often than usual because you are obligation free. Crap. What excuses can you use not to? What new ways can you avoid them? Well, rather than shutdown, I reckon you've got it in you to OPEN up. Here are 5 ways you can do that to make for some good quality holiday sex...
The only way you can even think to describe your sex drive is that it is low or non-existent. The only way you can even begin to describe your interest in sex is that there isn't any. But you love your partner (if you have one) and you really want to say goodbye to these persistent blocks that prevent you from feeling intimate and into IT. Deep breath, this is a deep journey into your sex drive and interest in sex. Read it all and feel yourself already walking away from inhibition and being checked-out of your own personal life.
There are arbitrary numbers out there when it comes to birth and the postpartum period. You get a 6 week check from your GP, which somewhat attempts to lump EVERYTHING into the one basket. So, when you were informed that you could have sex (if you were informed), how did you feel? Did you feel ready or did this tick of approval see you mentally running away in your head?
Self-worth and sex. They are inextricable. The benefit of having solid self-worth is that we start to understand the points in our lives where we are holding ourselves back from not only what we want to call in now but what we want to call in for the future as well. I really want to ask you today, is your life and sex life on a loop because your low self-worth isn’t igniting you to take any action?
When women come and see me in sessions, I am very aware of the fact that (if she is in a relationship) that I am also, in some ways, seeing her partner in sessions as well…without actually seeing him. We women have created some habits that we need your support to shift. There's so much we want men to know about us but we get stuck with how to tell you. So today, I am playing translator to let men know how they can support their female partner when it feels like she is checking out of their sex life.
There isn't a sex rulebook out there telling you what to like and feel and do but if you’re feeling like you don’t really get sex and what is expected – there may be some silent rules floating around that you are following blindly (but you don't have to). The rules are there are no rules when it comes to sex between two adults saying yes so try some of these on for a moment to see if these are some rules you need to break (because sweet freedom is lying on the other side).
When I dropped the notion of always having to be ON and learnt to embrace my cyclical nature, my life had a lot less resistance. Now that I know what I know, when sex is propositioned, I check-in straight away with where I am at in my cycle because it informs me of what my needs might be and what kind of sex I am up for. Here is a look at how I sync sex with my cycle through the four phases.
Recently, I was talking to a client about lying in the mess. You probably already know you have a problem with mess if you spring out of bed as soon as sex is finished (and it isn't just to do a wee because you are worried about a UTI). You find the mess of sex, like the fluids and lubrication all a bit messy. And messy makes you screw your nose up. Today I am asking if you could try befriending the mess a little more...
Being in a long-term relationship doesn't have to spell sexual boredom in fact being with someone long term often presented with more changes than we ever expected and our sex life isn't protected from these changes. In fact, we need to embrace them. Just as you evolve within your identity on a personal level, so too will your libido.Here's my best sex advice for couples wanting to shake things up when sexual boredom has taken hold. (Hint: it’s more about mindset than what you actually DO).
I wanted to take the time today to explore what is going on for her internally and to propose what she can do to experience this act of elation, this act of opening, this act of vulnerability with the person that she loves most. The focus here is on having her orgasm witnessed or seen by her partner – not what he can do to make her come (not my niche). I have found that this issue really isn’t about the skills in sex - this isn't about him not having the ability to facilitate her arousal and help her move towards orgasm. The block is more with her holding her own orgasm back.