Someone asks you a question about what you ‘do’ and you freeze.
Someone simply asks what you are going to order off the menu and you wonder what it is they want to hear.
Someone says something controversial about a topic where you have a burning interest and it’s like your voice is in lockdown.
Someone starts making jokes about bodies and what happens in the bedroom and there is nooooo way you would chime in.
Still to this day there are too many women that don’t speak up and raise their voice. Whether they were always taught to stay quiet because good girls shouldn’t make sound/be loud/scream/roar... or on a deeper level that their opinion doesn’t matter, that their perspective doesn’t have merit and that they need to keep within invisible confines is all up for questioning. Sadly, it's usually a melting pot of all of these guaranteeing her silence.
The women that come and see me in 1.1 sessions recognise these patterns quickly. They are all too familiar with the discomfort that arises when they are put on the spot.
The easiest option out has always been to agree with whatever opinion or argument is flying thick and fast at the time. I have heard too many times ‘it’s just easier if I agree with them’ (insert co-worker, friend, partner, family member here).
By the time women come and see me, they are so tired of not being heard. Because we can’t be heard if we don’t speak up.
We can’t be understood if no one is privy to who we are inside. Our preferences, our tastes, our turn-offs, our pleasures and our points of view.
We women kind of end up being a blank canvas without texture when we don’t allow our uniqueness space to express.
So much of staying quiet comes back to confidence.
So much of staying quiet comes back to permission.
(I love that word - permission – just saying it gives me the biggest rush of liberation!)
The key to start speaking up is two-fold. One avenue is impersonal and the other is personal. Both need equal attention.
Impersonal : Have you ever received something that you didn’t want or didn’t order? Have you ever received subpar service or point blank rude service and didn’t speak up? Well, you guessed it. This is one of your training grounds for getting confident about speaking up. You are worthy of getting what you asked and what you paid for. It’s time for you to stop tolerating. If you tolerate poor service, incorrect orders and a lack of acknowledgment in an everyday situation then you probably tolerate some undesirable behaviours in the bedroom. So, next time that food or drink order isn’t correct, proceed to speak up about it – feel the discomfort and do it anyway. Confidence awaits.
Tips: Make eye contact, use a bit of volume and gently explain the situation. You got this. This action could be the difference between you enjoying a situation and you sabotaging it.
Personal : It’s vital that your story is heard by someone that you can trust. Until you verbalise the story that lives inside of you – your love, your losses, your womanhood, your dreams… you can’t gain true clarity, ownership and release from what it is that is burdening you. I encourage you to completely open up to another woman to find your voice and if you don’t have a trusted friend yet (she’s coming – you will attract her the more confident you become) then an expert therapist or coach is the best way to go. When you remove that cloak of fear, shame and ‘not enough’ from your story, you are positioned to move on and call in what it is you want.
In a recent interview Danielle LaPorte said:
Your voice creates your reality.
Speak to the reality you want.
I couldn’t agree more.
Ready to turn up the volume and liberate your quiet self?
I've got great news! I'm running a FREE webinar on Monday August 21st at 8pm (AEST) to help you learn actionable ways that you can move on to sourcing your voice that feels like…you! PLUS ::
+how to break the cycle of staying quiet and people pleasing
+the feelings and actions that will give you the resolve you need to be empowered
+the words that deliver unshakeable clarity
Comments and participation most definitely welcome - read more and join HERE!