I’m coming to you today from my bedroom! I thought I would speak to you about the power of your bedroom and the importance of it…the importance of having a sexual space that is really aligned with being sexual and it might sound weird but it's an important piece that heaps of women overlook. They start to think that they can just have sex in any old space and that it won't affect the quality or the satisfaction that they receive from their sexual interactions with their partners.
But for women, nothing could be further from the truth.
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Women need to have a space that is conducive to sex and conducive to feeling open, free, unleashed and uninhibited and all those beautiful things that they want to feel when they are connected with their partners and in their naturalness, their nakedness and sharing intimate moments.
The space sets the scene. So you have the power to choose a bedroom or a space that really establishes what it is that you want to feel and what it is that you want to bring out from sex itself.
Your bed. As I sit in my bedroom and I look around, I can see that I have a duvet cover that I really love - I really invested in it because for years I bought doona covers that I liked 75% but they kind of lacked 25% so this time I got the right one! We also have a king size bed, plenty of space and it is still pretty new. I also got an actual bed head and bed frame that I really wanted this time. Let’s just say I have learnt from previous mistakes.
Anchors. When I look around my room I can see that we've got space and natural light but we've also got lamps and another other smaller lights to create that ambience. I've got a really beautiful candle. I invested in an Ecoya candle (Ecoya need to start paying me for being a sponsor because I love their stuff - I love it so much but this message is not endorsed by Ecoya!) That candle is a pine candle and I only light it when something sensual or sexual is happening. That is a prompt there to tend to my sexy space and it creates an anchor. In your bedroom it's really important have prompts, reminders and anchors that you are a sexual person, you are sexual woman and that this is the space to open into your sexuality.
Have some Sexy Mantra cards on your bedside table. I don't have my mantra cards up here but I wish I could keep them up here - unfortunately I can't because of two little ones but if I could I would. I would have them on my bedside table there as a prompt so at the moment, I've got my Kindle, a book about female health and one book about desire. I have always got something there to remind me that I'm a sexual woman, I'm a sexual woman, I’m a sexual woman.
Your bedroom could also do with a full-length mirror. They are a still a little luxe in my mind but they don’t have to be expensive. I got mine from Ikea! I have mine in an upright position so that I can stand there and look at my body and look at my body when I dress. It’s been a really good investment to watch my body evolve all through pregnancy and postpartum and to acknowledge it at every single stage. A full-length mirror in your bedroom is really great for not only looking at yourself but also acknowledging your sexuality and maybe even using it for sex itself! It can be a real turn on seeing you and your partner in your sexual embrace so a full-length mirror is a great add to your bedroom.
Make your bedroom a clutter free zone. It sounds basic but it's a foundation. It's something that one of my very first clients commented on about 4-5 years ago saying that her bedroom was full of crap, full of moving boxes and laundry that hadn't been done and she was so distracted by it she found it so hard to really get into her sexual nature because everything that was happening and everything that was around her was just reminding her of her to-do list and it created a sense of unease. Clutter in your bedroom does not promote openness and clarity - some of the things that women want in their sex life is having openness, clarity and confidence and having a messy, clutter-filled bedroom is not aligned with those intentions for when women want to get into their body.
There's a few tips for you but I’ll rehash them pretty quickly:
Having a bed that you love - I love my king size bed it's a must I'm having a doona covers that are beautiful that are really you that feel sensual that feel loving, warm whatever it is that you need to feel in your bedroom.
Having anchors around your bedroom like books about sexuality, a special candle or a particular piece of art - I've got to Georgia O'Keeffe piece of art in my bedroom that my sister gifted me last year and I posted that to Instagram as well which is really beautiful feminine piece.
Having a clutter free room. Making it clear and making it aligned and making it a space that you want to be in.
You can't have a crappy bedroom that does not reflect who you are or what is possible within your sexuality and then expect to open up and feel comfortable and feel completely in your body and completely present.
Whenever you open your eyes are going to be looking outwards saying: this isn't right, this is pissing me off and it's frustrating me. Cull the frustration, get it clear, get it sorted, tend to the outside, make sure it’s not distracting so that you can be completely present during sex.
Ready for your bedroom to be refreshed, renewed and re-modelled outside AND inside? To celebrate 5 years of being in biz as a sexologist, I am offering you the chance to get in on Bedroom Basics - the online course for navigating your mindset, learning how to initiate, coming out of your head and into your body and getting clear on sexy touch and communication - for a seriously celebratory price! Usually $179, you can get it for $129 (!) from Wednesday 29th NOV to Wednesday 6th DEC midnight. Just enter the code LIBERATE at the check-out and you will get immediate access to all modules and 3 months minimum access. Go straight to the Bedroom Basics Page to sign-up and say goodbye to your crappy sex life before 2017 ends!