Self-pleasure (formerly known as masturbation) is the ultimate act of maturity, confidence and ownership. What I am really trying to say is that it is the opposite of what so many women were taught to believe growing up – that it’s shameful, dirty, desperate and unchaste (Yawn. Basically nice, good girls don't do it). It's the old repression and suppression breeding ground to control what people can't control.
Women who self-pleasure are empowered because they don’t save all of their sexual energy for one person or one occasion. Their libido and desire isn’t going through life holding its breath, waiting for the next chance to get relief. Their sexual energy and mojo is given space to breathe on a regular basis.
Fact. Your libido likes to be drip fed rather than go through peaks and troughs; binges and starvation. Self-pleasure acts like a stress relieving cushion. It protects you from treating your libido as something that is only to be given away. We've been there and done that. Women are moving on from martyr mode and feeling spent from giving out of obligation.
[Looking for more self-pleasure specifics? Read last years interview I gave to Chantilly Rouge on self-pleasure HERE]
The biggest mistake women make when it comes to their sexuality is denying that they are sexual. The second biggest mistake women make when it comes to their sexuality is staying in a mode of only giving it away and making others responsible for their pleasure. These actions place a cap (or a limit) on your potential for pleasure.
Self-pleasure makes the declaration: I give to myself. It’s healthy and it’s personal. When women are more accustomed to giving than receiving, self-pleasure becomes the ultimate act of rebellion. This power is so threatening to some because it is self-sustaining rather than reliant on someone or something external.
So, why do you avoid it?
When you feel blocked about self-pleasure, I know you already understand that the person who is most judgmental of you is you. But these aren’t your truest thoughts about touching yourself. No. You hold that belief that it’s wrong because you have heard a million messages throughout your life about what women should and shouldn’t do with their bodies (and this one is firmly in the shouldn’t pile).
The key to self-pleasure working is that your overall attitude and approach is non-judgmental. Judgment is a libido and arousal killer and will whip you back up into your busy head in a nanosecond. Judgment will bring on the thoughts that lead to guilt and even shame.
Self-pleasure is a safe space. May I remind you that no one can see you?
It’s also stress relieving.
And it’s the best training ground to try new things.
And here’s some more bonuses: it’s pressure free. You can go into fantasy. You can take your time to go slow or speed things up and get in and out (hey, sometimes that’s all you need, like when you are ovulating). You can act however you want to act and be whoever you want to be.
That all sounds a lot like freedom and liberation to me.
P.S. May is Masturbation Month! My advice? Skip the challenges and attempt self-pleasure once this month if it is completely foreign to you. It is such an opening to clarify what you like and don't like.