COUPLES: When to break the rules of sex

We are living in a time of questioning and when I read works that inspire me, I time and time again I find that all the answers lie in the opposite of what I originally presumed. The same applies to sex in so many ways so this piece is about busting the rules of sex – some are silent, some are pronounced from the rooftops in various forms of media.

Read (or watch) the rest here:

If you’re feeling like you don’t really get sex – there may be some silent rules floating around that you might not be aware of. Try some of these ones on for a moment to see if these are some rules you need to break.

Rule #1 Anal sex must be conquered (and enjoyed). The asshole is a DYNAMIC pleasure zone and has great potential to mix things up when sexual boredom strikes. It also provides a sense of containment to our bodies, meaning that we feel completely held and full when we have our juicy openings penetrated simultaneously. The message of anal sex (suggesting that a penis be used for penetration) is a misused term that has been completely misunderstood. I prefer anal play instead of anal sex because it opens up the spectrum. If anal play is a yes, start with massaging the outside using plenty of oil and just leave it there and skip the pressure for it to progress further.

Rule #2 Foreplay is a must for women. This may undo years of trying to educate everyone on the importance of warming up to sex rather than jumping into intercourse but there is an asterix to this. Women are capable of being penetrated very soon after saying yes to sex – some of these times are when we are ovulating and we don’t necessarily need a lot of preparation  and with a new partner where excitement and dopamine are high.

Rule #3 Monogamy and commitment signals the end of your sexual growth and fun. Monogamy isn’t confinement – it is a choice that we choose every day. It is a boundary that calls for creativity, for deeper exploration and for embarking on independent and dual searches for pleasure. It is a chance to ask, what do I need for my own sexuality to thrive and what do I need from our sex life together?

Rule #4 Your body and sex aren’t the same after birth so enjoy sex while you can. I will let you in on a little secret – sex may not be the same after birth. Because it’s better! When you stand in awe of what your body was capable of through pregnancy, birth and recovery, you are ultimately standing in awe of your creativity and sexuality. When the focus shifts from what isn’t to what is, you are ultimately equipped with a secret weapon.

Rule #5 Sex has a distinct start and a finish. The hard truth is that it doesn’t. The way that you carry yourself and what you choose to do before and after sex is still a part of sex. Your whole life will come up and be reflected in sex because there are so many parallels. Eat fast, work fast, drive fast and sex….slow?? It doesn’t usually translate. So watch out for the little things that are actually representative of the big things. Ease into and out of sex so that it blends into your life, not feels like a chore that has to be scheduled. And keep in mind that I like to consider all the other little acts of touch and sensuality between my partner and I as being a part of our sex life. There’s so much joy that can accumulate and make you feel like you have more sexual contact than just penetration.

Rules of sex?

Be a rebel and break them.

Give yourself permission to have your own unique sex life where the focus is and stays on pleasure.

Lauren xo

If you feel blocked about moving on from the silent rules that you have been following and that aren't working for you (but you love your partner and know you are in it for the long haul), it might very well be your time to talk it out. Book an introductory session with me today to get started on opening up, clearing the musts and have to's so that you can deepen your sexual experience with your partner.