FEMALE SEXUALITY: Is your business killing your sex life?

You pour your heart, soul and every sap of energy into your biz. But is this leaving your libido trailing behind? In this article, I reveal how you can transition from Boss Lady by day to Authentically Embodied by night.

The entrepreneur game is round the clock, especially for us as women where the facets of our personal and professional worlds are so interconnected. Women are always gently humming – never really completely switched on or off so when women invest lovingly into their vocation, their sex life can be left trailing behind. Spending all day creating and manifesting utilises sexual energy because this aspect of us doesn’t differentiate between new pursuits, having sex, creating a new life, new designs, workshops or art. Your sexuality moves through them all!

The parallels don’t end there. The type of sex so many women want is deep, present, transcendental and unencumbered – notice how this happens when you go into a zone of creating something that channels your sweet spot? We need this juice to be evenly spread in our endeavours and sex, not solely in one or the other. So when women in my practice recognise how they have run themselves down through their creativity and are living in a burnt-out body, it suddenly clicks that they are actively outsourcing their lives and have unconsciously…outsourced their libido.

Rest assured, it is a natural, protective response when the melting pot of your expectations, demands, effort, stress and achieving-self intertwine to give your body the message that sex isn’t at the forefront. Stress reduces sexual interest in the vast majority of women and reduces sexual pleasure in everyone.

Here are my tips for wading into your sexual body from being in your biz head:

You need to channel sexy throughout your biz day: You need subtle reminders that we are sexual in other times of your day or you will feel an immense pressure to switch on your sexual accelerator when your brake is flat against the floor. How? Use dance during your workday breaks to move your body and embody sensuality – just make sure you touch yourself and sway your pelvis. Need help? Download some Marian Hill.

Be body conscious: When you notice yourself slumping over the computer, I want you to notice what is happening in your body. My guess is that you aren’t consciously breathing and aren’t making a sound. This is what I call contraction and what women say to me is they want to be open. To be open, we need to do the opposite of contraction and the easiest way to do this is to breathe deep into your body and open your mouth and make a sound with your exhalation – the deeper the better. Because what you can comfortably practice in a non-sexual context will be easier to integrate into a sexual context.

Generate a compelling reason to have sex: You move towards something important all day in your work and your sexuality needs this too – it is incentive based so move with an intention to have sex. Some ideas are:

I want to nurture my eroticism

I intend to create intimacy with myself/my partner

To move from being in my head to being in my body

Ask to receive touch from your partner: I say receive rather than give because giving is a default for so many women to neglect addressing their own erotic desires. The parameters are that the touch does not hold the promise of moving into sexual intercourse, you do not have to exchange touch and that you are able to ask for what you want. This is called active receiving; very different from passive ‘I’ll take whatever you want to give’ mode. Ask for the touch that you want whether it be a back scratch, a butt massage, long strokes up and down your body or firm grasping. Tell your partner if you need the pressure or speed to shift and reaffirm the positive with feedback.

Move with your sexuality in the small spaces of life and it will be easier to coax in the times where you really want to feel it deep down. Promise.

Lauren xo

Lauren is a qualified sexologist that provides sexuality coaching and bodywork to women in Brisbane and via Skype. It is her passion to facilitate women's alignment between their bodies, sexuality, mentality and identity so that they can move from feeling inhibited and numb to sourcing their libido for sex and life.

*This article was originally featured in ROOOAR magazine as 'Is your business killing your sex life?' I strongly advise you to check out ROOOAR here!! *