DEPRESSION: When your sexuality is hijacked by the black dog

Depression. We’ve all known it, either personally or through the experiences of someone we know. Its blanket of haze operates differently within different people. In some, it causes a form of agitation and hyperarousal with poor sleep and low appetite and in others, it slows everything down to the point of numbness where excessive eating and sleeping become a state of being.

Depression can often cause us to lose touch with our sexuality because it is low on the priority list within our altered steady state and is generally the last thing we feel like doing. When our mind is so clouded with the stress and overwhelming nature of depression, we are invited to see the world in one shade, and from one perspective only. Although healthy sex in many respects could be medicinal for depression, the way we feel about our body and mind is insufficient to even muster some interest or fantasy at the best of times so the bed and our human instincts begin to grow cold.

Depression creates suffering and when we always give into it, it feeds off of itself. Gnaw, gnaw, gnaw. To break this cycle, it may be time for medication to assist but what a paradox it is that this too can have an effect on libido by working on keeping serotonin suspended in the brain– that neurotransmitter that makes us feel happy can also make us feel satiated or complete, leaving us without a sense of yearning or desire.

As sex loves desire, it is an apt time to remember that desire is fire and fire needs air. Depression tries to shirk us away from our desires and natural energy but there needs to be something that we can hold on to.  If healthy sex (solo or with another) can become part of the remedy, then we are playing an active part in avoiding some of the conditioning that can take place when sex is neglected or has a repetitive, expected outcome. Your depression needs tender effort in all aspects of life: social, nutritional, psychological, physical, sexual. If an orgasm is placed into that mix, then you have a nice flush of the stress hormone cortisol and a boost of pain relieving endorphins to provide some low mood respite.

Depression has a known effect on sexuality for many people. If this is a concern for you, feel free to get in touch with me to discuss a sex coaching package that we can have in person or via Skype.

Lauren xo