SEXUAL REGRET: Sex in darkness, regret in daylight

You wake up only to feel that kick in your guts and your head suddenly registers…what did I do last night? A slideshow of the evenings events start to click around in your mind in quick succession. What is that feeling you are left with…bewilderment, confusion, surprise or regret?

Some can shake this off before their feet hit the floor in the morning but sometimes regret gets carried around for days, weeks or years afterwards. If the sex was hot but you feel morally conflicted about it, we are left with the remnants to decipher and a choice as to whether we incorporate that experience into our Sexosophy or leave it behind us. What this means is that the experience that accompanies sexual regret is huge at the time and can steal a lot of our head space trying to process it. But with time, this usually becomes a smaller part of our sexual script as we make way for new highs and greater depths, most commonly with a compatible partner or when we have a better relationship with ourselves. When sexual regret leaves us with shame that we find difficult to overcome, there are means that are more effective than others if we are looking to deal or cope. Ultimately, there is little purpose in comparing our reaction to another’s because what they shake off may represent something bigger to us.

If you decide to tell someone about your sexual regret, try and ensure that it is the right person and someone that you trust because there is a risk that we go looking for solidarity with our friends or colleagues only to find judgment or additional shame. Regretting sharing your regrets eats away at us and feeds low self-esteem and worthlessness.

If the intention to relieve your burden is difficult to fathom, I’d encourage you to consider having a sex coaching session with someone who understands sexuality without judgment. For many of us, our thoughts and beliefs fuel an approach to sex that holds us back from what we genuinely want to feel. It is possible to work through and overcome these with the right tact and guidance. For personalised guidance about threats to sexual pleasure, challenging emotional states and low libido, desire and arousal, go to my sessions page.

Lauren xo