SEXUAL DESIRE: When worthlessness prevents pleasure

How big a concept worthlessness is. To consider any human without worth is a pretty horrific concept as we all have our thread to share in the big, messy web called Earth.

So where do feelings of worthlessness stem from; what do they have to do with sex and what can we do about them? First things first.

Worthlessness is an all-encompassing feeling when it arises and is defined by a degraded opinion of the self…It is closely intertwined with low self-esteem, depression, anxiety and shame – concepts and states of being that can cloud who we are and what we are passionate about.

To facilitate a way out of feeling worthless, we need a holistic approach and to do so in a way that is kind to both mind and heart. If we take a purely cerebral (thinking) approach, we may remain stuck as a life that feels ‘worthy’ is centred on passion, values, love and connection. It speaks to you and the multiple roles you play in life. If we let worthlessness eat us up from the inside, we prevent a means of escape from it. When these feelings arise, see it as a sign that you need to re-set the compass. What deems you not worthy of love, goodness, health and sex? See the connection? If we feel unworthy of pleasure in our daily existence, there is a chance our sex life may suffer as a lack of love for ourselves can inhibit desire, arousal and orgasm. Conversely, worthlessness can take us on sprees of disconnected sex and self-harm that fails to fill the void.

In a wicked twist, worthlessness tells us to go out and prove how worthless we are by going on a path of destruction and punishment. The remedy? Awareness, compassion and kindness. Easier said than done but keep a lookout for punishing yourself by withholding sexual pleasure and ask if this is a reflection of low self-worth. When we feel unworthy, we think we no longer deserve certain objects, situations or feelings and this puts us at risk of continuously chasing control and restriction.

For many of us, our thoughts, beliefs and experiences fuel an approach to sex that holds us back from what we genuinely want to feel. It is possible to work through and overcome these with the right tact and guidance.

Lauren xo