FEMALE ANATOMY: Why tight and toned may not be embraced by your sexual body

I see a shadow lurking behind the myriad images of women’s fit and lean bodies that are overtaking my Tumblr and Facebook news feeds.

In their own right, these bodies are beautiful and the effort to get to that state of physical appearance is admirable. This requires mental strength, dedication and prioritisation of goals and I can only presume that the intentions to do this were beyond the inaugural act to have a selfie prove their arrival as a woman who ‘knows’ her body.

The toned abs, concave stomach and accompanying fake tan speak something else to me when I see them. The notion of being toned to that degree sometimes doesn’t gel well with a sexual body and here is why:

Breath is an important part of how we connect to our physical body in general and especially our sexual body. It is natural for bellies to have a little pudge and protrude a little – they are made for expansion, but not so much contraction. It is this expansion that causes our bellies to move outward when we do deep belly breaths; allowing us to open up to relaxation, connection and increased sensation within our sexual anatomy.

When we breathe shallowly, we are generally in our head but when we breathe deeply, we are within our body.

When our stomach is taut and rigid, this expansion can be difficult and rather than increasing the genuine understanding that we have within our bodies, I believe that it is a superficial means that strives towards aesthetic perfection and detracts from heartfelt wisdom and acceptance.

If you experience discomfort expanding your belly with your breath, I invite you to look inward and ask yourself why this might be…

Are women’s bodies meant to be ‘contained’ and toned?

Does an expanded belly mean gluttony or imperfection?

Whatever the answer, your sexual body craves what is natural and it is the pairing of breathwork and true love of our own body that create long-lasting and deep sexual satisfaction.

Another thing to note is that a very tight core can also inadvertently tighten your PC muscle (sex muscle) to the point that pain can accompany sex and vaginal penetration. When pain accompanies sex, our body can start to be on guard for this pain and begin to close itself off to possibilities of pleasure, penetration and orgasm.

When we give ourselves permission to let it hang outwards rather than sucking it in, we can breathe, feel, move and focus on the beautiful sex or self-pleasure before us with presence and comfort.

Let go, expand and be open to finding the balance with conditioning your physical body but still having the capacity to open your sexual body.

For personalised guidance about sexual desire, libido, sex drive, sexual conflicts and sex in long-term relationships, go to the Sex Coaching page.

Lauren xo