So many people want to know how to sustain sex in long-term relationships. Sometimes we wonder whether it is even possible to keep up a great sex life when we are together, seeing each other in all our various states and moods. One tip for sex in captivity that I particularly love is the 85% rule. What this means is that couples should aim or hope for sex to be good enough 85% of the time. The reality of this is that we will have times where sex falls flat or we hit a point of disagreement. We are human after all and we are not born with perfect sexual functioning (whatever that is!).
Below are some lessons from great lovers that Peggy Kleinplatz summarises in her chapter in ‘Clinical Sexuality for mental health professionals’. These 8 lessons for satisfying sex are:
• Be focused, embodied and immersed in sex
• Connect, be in synch, align and merge
• There needs to be mutual respect, caring, acceptance, admiration
• Employ extraordinary communication & empathy before, during and after sex
• Risk taking through exploration is fun
• Sex is freeing, authentic, genuine, uninhibited
• Great sex is letting go, being vulnerable and surrendering
• Sex is transcendent, blissful, healing, timeless
Notice how it isn’t so much about what we do in a sexual interaction but how we feel and interact? Because this is what really matters and what really keeps us connected. Now that it’s the weekend, time for a bit of fun, vulnerability and bliss…sign me up!