At the Sexosophy Libido seminar last week, a participant made a fine point. When I asked what else might play a role in contributing towards a woman’s low libido, she aptly stated “sex for conception”. For any couple that has had sex that is driven by purpose, namely, the creation of new life, for months or even years on end; this will ring true. Even the most creative, diverse and libidinous of couples may encounter a period of not really feeling up for or excited about sex when it is so strongly attached to an end goal.
So, what is a couple to do instead of having the woman flatly say at dinner, “I’m ovulating” or have him ask before sleep, “Is it time to try again?” Here are some quick Sexosophy tips to lighten sex when it is motivated by conception:
Words: Try and lighten the words and propositions you use. For example, trying for a baby or trying to conceive is pretty heavy in that sex only has that purpose, not to mention, that trying is associated with effort which sort of sounds like work! In comparison, being open to falling pregnant, if and when it happens, is a lot more flexible and means that sex has permission to happen at all times and for all reasons at other times of her cycle. Jointly decide what words are a libido enhancer that lets your partner know that now is the optimal time to conceive. Try to make it fun and playful rather than sounding like an obligation or duty.
Cycle Sex: Have sex at other times of the cycle, not just when you are ovulating. This means that the sexual relationship is kept thriving in other periods and isn’t solely taking place to create new life. Don’t forget that sexual expression is also representative of pleasure, fun, celebration, relaxation, connection and myriad other reasons. Even if you are engaging in some sex play/foreplay that isn’t penetrative intercourse, you are making a sound investment in your happiness as a couple and taking the pressure off sex that only happens for a few days every 4 weeks.
Location, location: If developing a keen interest in your cycle and conception has you predicting your most fertile days, why not try and be on holidays for this juicy part of our cycle? As women, we are usually open, bright and communicating clearly with our partners when we are ovulating and being away from the routine of home can mean generating passion and sexual excitement. With so many babies born in October, there is something to be said about popular holiday times and conception when couples are relaxed and connected.
Non-disclosure: Remember that you do not have to disclose to anyone that, as a couple, you are open to falling pregnant. You are under no obligations to give anyone a play-by-play of your experiences with fertility and conception. If you can hear other peoples voices in your heads advocating for you to fall pregnant sooner rather than later then you may just feel that little/lot more pressured during sex that it has to happen this time/cycle, which can be a big libido dampener.
On the medical side of things, if you have been open to falling pregnant and not using contraceptives for 12 consecutive cycles or longer, it might be time to visit your GP for some further investigations.